chokma at nurah

Nationalism...where, from here?

2010-07-17T02:00:00.000-07:00

I was a student of Development Studies way back in the '80's. After more than 20 years of struggling to contribute something for my country's development, I am still disheartened that the same 'systemic' problems persist: 'dependency', violence, poverty, among others. At this point in my life, I am still searching for paths that would allow me to contribute to the upliftment of my fellow Filipinos. Thus, I enrolled in this peace studies. True enough, I have attained a wider perspective in seeing the problem of 'underdevelopment'. Now, I understood it better from the point of view of class dynamics, from 'dependency' theories and from the perspective of international relations. But it made the task more daunting.

Now, I am quite sure that nationalism has something to do with it. I was touched when a classmate of mine said, "maybe Filipinos do not claim their country enough that they are willing to do something to contribute to its development". I must say, "enough" must not be the word instead "one passion" for one's country must be cultivated so much so that it can not be easily eroded in time. Of course, colonialism has been running in our history for more than four centuries now (and perhaps, in our blood) that saying it must be supplanted with nationalism is easily said than done. How to go about conceptualizing nationalism in this time of globalization proved to be a much harder task.

But I know that being born in this piece of island called 'Philippines', being raised with this kind of people and context allows me to claim something that I felt more like 'power of identity'. I believe nationalism must take off from here: this identification to one's land and one's people and that desire to see them develop holistically in the years to come must be the single passion of both the leaders and the led. How to initiate and sustain this desire is the more difficult process to start with...

Abortion in the Philippines

2010-05-16T03:39:00.000-07:00

The Philippines is hitting half million induced abortions since 2005. Why? because of sheer lack of reproductive choices. GMA is hell bent on implementing the NFP policy. Cory had sealed the unconstitutionality of abortion in her 1987 Freedom Constitution. Only Ramos had managed to put in substance to the RH concerns of the women by defining the Ten Elements of RH and one of them is the PMAC policy which up to now meet rough sailing in government hospitals.

The Roman Catholic is worst. It construed conception as starting from the meeting of the sperm and egg. St. Augustine and Aquinas were not even sure when is the start of hominization of humans but our great bishops were very confirmed on their stance. Whereas the medical field says that conception starts upon fertilization or when the zygote had been formed. Morowitz & Trefil even said that formation of cerebral cortex which at the last term of pregnancy was the likely start of being human (capable of acting as a unit or as a person).

This belief in the beginning of humanity or being human is very crucial in the debate because the RC offer no exceptions in case of abortion: whether you were raped, or there was a threat to your health, or there was fetal impairment. No woman is exempted: a woman who aborts a fetus is a criminal, "worse than a murderer" says our parish priest.

Thus, the realpolitik of the abortion debate is being molded primarily by the Church, not the presidency, not the legislative or the judiciary.

So what is the chance of passing a law on comprehensive RH? Perhaps, it would not come in our lifetime. But changing the 1987 Constitution by striking this Art 2, Sec 12 on the "right of the unborn" might be the first step...

Why Gender and Peace Building?

2010-05-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

As a woman who longed to live in a peaceful society, as a sister, an aunt and counselor who wants to protect my nieces and nephews and my counselees and as a human being who knows that peace is possible...These are the simple reasons why I want to pursue a gender and peace building course. One really takes off from one's personal stake in the process.

Of course, there are bigger issues such as less visibility and non-recognition of women in the peace process, lack of support and other nurturance to make women peacebuilders in her own society, non-recognition of gender issues in peace and human rights advocacies, women takes on secondary role in interfaith dialogues, and non-visibility of women in the peace zones.

With those issues, there are needs of women that must be addressed such as: women's overall empowerment with mentoring and training, highlighting what women contribute to the peace process, more links among women's groups and the overall peace movement, women also need self-healing and re-conceptualization of peace and security, and women must be able to share their perspectives and processes in creating a just, diverse, peaceful and free society that co-exists and co-regenerates with nature.

LGBT as a new social movement

2010-05-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

This forms part of my report on "women's rights" subject. I intend to tackle how the LGBTs as sexual identities become politicized and was moved into collective actions by using Edelman's concepts of political opportunities, mobilizing structures and framing processes. Various social institutions have different takes on sexuality. The religious institution promotes "procreational ideology", that is sexuality can only done through marriage, with the goal of having children. Thus, it also exalts abstinence from sexual pleasures as virtuous. Now, the Church has been polarizing the presidentiables into "pro-RH bill" and "anti-RH bill". On the the other hand, with the people earning more than enough money, some of them engage in extramarital affairs and even in same-gender sex. Also, with it comes the commodification of goods, even of sexual images and gratification. Another institution, the family, teaches children how to become masculine and feminine. The concept of love, marriage and sex is also taught in this institution. But during the '70s, with the "flower power" revolution, sex was delinked from love and marriage. So, it becomes permissible; so as with same-gender sex.

Moreover, the medical institution also medicalize sexuality. Before 1973, it regards homosexuality as a an 'abnormality'. But after that, the APA delist homosexuality from the list of abnormal disorders. The law, on the other hand, seeks to control sexual behaviors by regarding it as 'illegal' (e.g. rape, exhibitionism, etc.). But all these institutions promote heterosexuality as the norm.

So, two critiques surfaced: compulsory heterosexuality and queer politics. Both seeks to debunk the primacy of hetersexuality. According to Rich, heterosexual preference is not a real choice because women were socialized to that. While according to Blasius, sexuality is more fluid. One can choose from a continuum of sexual choices. From this redefinition of sexualities, come the birthing of various lesbian groups, with the support of the women's movements. It started out as 'cliques' or clandestine groups. Then, in 1993, the lesbians declared a statement in the Mendiola March condemning discrimination against lesbians. Since then, lesbian issues were tackled in various conferences around the country and even in Asia.

At this point, the Left forces also recognized the lesbian and gay issues; thus, two ND groups were created: LesBond (lesbians fro national democracy) and Pro-GAY. In the second phase of the LGBT struggles, it become closer now to the LGBT groups. LAGABLAB, Lunduyan and LADLAD were born. The last one now attempts to participate in the electoral politics. But that was not an easy struggle. In 2007, the group was rejected due to lack of constituency. So, they organized all over the country. Now, they were rejected still, due to 'immoral doctrines". This
becomes part now of the re-framing process especially when CHR director De Lima branded the COMELEC action as 'patently discriminatory'. LADLAD won this time because the Supreme Court enabled them to run for this May 2010 elections as one of the party list group.

Emerging issues and concerns are a lot: conservatism, fundamentalism, etc. But the LGBT groups can still count on various rights as specified in various UN documents(CRC, CEDAW, UDHR, etc). Most of all, the LGBT movement can count on the dynamism of its own. Padayon!

Proposed Electoral System for the Philippines

2010-04-17T05:47:00.000-07:00

This topic was very new to me but I found it exciting and inspiring for several reasons. First, it was here that I learned various electoral systems such as the SMP, AV, TRS, PR and MES. Whew! those were lots of acronyms but to tell you the truth, it was only in this class that I met the hardest question ever posed: which electoral system would be best for your country. I started my report citing the positive points about Philippine elections: high voter turn out (70-80%), increasing women elected in national offices (10-12%) and having experienced two women presidents. From there, I said I was alarmed when I read about an editorial saying, GMA will be seizing the speakership of the Lower House by massing 159 votes to her favor. So, given those reasons, I would like to propose two goals: a strong government and viable party list system.

The presidential elections would be conducted using AV (alternative or preferential voting). Here, we will use an ordinal ballot structure where voters rank order their candidates. As to counting, it involves two round: first round would be counting votes for first preference. Those with the least votes will be rejected and their votes will transfer to the second preference candidates. The process continues until the winner got an absolute majority vote.

For the Lower house, I proposed for a 70:30 ratio where the former is the constituency candidates using SMP or single member plurality and the latter use PR closed list for the party votes. I was thinking it would be very hard for the "president" to mass up a 70% votes. The closed list would be zipped, women nominees would amount to 50% of the party nominations. I also would like a 30% quota legislated for women elected in the House. I am retaining the bicameral structure, the senators would be voted using SMP. In essence, I am just refining the present mixed electoral system of the Philippines.

Democratic Activism

2009-12-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

The event on "Online Memory Bank" project by the AFT and PSLINK proved to be very inspiring especially for a former teacher like me. It started with a short film on student activism in Iran, South Africa, Burma and China. I was awakened by the convictions of the young speakers on why they dedicated themselves into student activism. The next speaker talked "democratic classrooms". I believed I was applying those principles when I was a teacher way back in the late 90's. But what inspired me most was the sharing of a student leader who is now holding a key post in a political party. He said he was inspired by a poem written by another fellow student and his mentor for 30 years was his grade school teacher who was present in this gathering. What a very inspiring relationship between teacher and student!

Another inspiring moment in this activity was when an indigenous leader talked about how IPs view nature as very nurturing similar to what our modern day hospitals, markets among other services which cater to the needs of the people. He said his activism emerged from that love of nature which bless them with all the bounties of life. And he was wondering how come leaders believe that they have the right to appropriate those blessings for themselves.

The wisdom imparted by another speaker affirmed my convictions about education. That genuine education is life-giving. The world is our classroom and all experiences emanating from life should be discussed from different points of view so that learning and insights can be maximized to serve as guideposts for a better world. He view life and learning as "tensions between honesty and hope" and that democratization can be a spectrum of resistance, of participation and democratic ways of doing things. The project on "Online Memory Bank" aim to capture all those experiences and insights in a democracy by using internet technology. What a bounty!

Feminist Counseling & CSA

2009-11-30T18:43:00.000-08:00

I was a resource person for CSA regarding setting up a women and children crisis center somewhere in Pampanga. The venue was wonderful! A three storey Japanese inspired building, with 15 minimalist bedrooms; nude women paintings by no less than Araceli Dans were hanged on the wall. The training hall was accented by billboard of old films such as "Gone with the Wind", "Bus Stop", among others. Oh, I really loved that place! In the morning, we had our shibashi exercises and in the evening, some STRT moves. All this comfortable ambience contributed to a very lighthearted discussion of a very sensitive and heavy topics like CSA and VAW.

The crisis center is on its initial phase of setting up; thus, we were requested to share our experiences on the said topics. This center will be funded by the city government and there were already two full staff, a working Board and a battery of volunteers from the police, health and other agencies. At the end of the training, they were able to come up with a "score card" on how to measure the effectiveness and implementation of this intervention.

The whole three-day session was truly a soulful discussion. With my topic, I started the session with a short documentary film titled, "Daughter". Afterwhich I asked them how did they feel. A mother cried a lot especially with the scene when the younger daughter was also being abused by the father. Another mother was almost in tears because she could not understand how a mother cannot believe about the abuse when the eldest daughter disclosed about it. A very inspiring discussion ensued afterwards.

Also, a case of child physical abuse was presented. The social worker and the police woman was in a dilemma whether to withdraw the case or not. The child's perpetrator was also her mother. The latter showed no remorse on what she did to her child. I personally opined that the damage and consequences inflicted by the mother to her child must be meted out with commensurate punishment. Perhaps, a better rehabilitation program for perpetrators should also be installed.

A child sexual abuse case was also shared by a medical doctor. She was also wondering how come a mother can possibly side with the perpetrator. The mother even let another daughter be the one examined for a medico-legal examination. It resulted in a double case of sexual abuse when the younger daughter was also found positive of genital trauma. Now, the mother was in shambles. So, I discussed how come mothers could not readily support their daughters and the crucial alliance with the mothers (to believe in their daughters) will proved to be the first step with the daughters' healing.

Furthermore, a topic on the "history of women's oppression" and "gender and socialization" which was given earlier by an advocate against VAWC also proved to be crucial in the acceptance of why a feminist approach to counseling must be taken. This, I believed, demonstrated that counselors who desire to effectively address problem such as VAWC must also be willing to embrace feminist counseling. Because only FC can make a counselor understand the depth and breadth of why VAWC happens and will in the end give her all the patience she needs in journeying with the women and children towards a more humane and gender-equal society for all...

Injustice to the LGBT by the COMELEC's 'Three Kings of Lies'

2009-11-16T01:01:00.000-08:00

It is only November and yet the 'three kings of lies' from the COMELEC (read as Commissioners Nicodemo Ferrer, Lucenito Tagle and Elias Yusoph) are saying that LADLAD is "immoral" and "a threat to the future of Filipino youths" (with quoted Bible (Romans 1:26) and Koran (Surah 29) verses); thus, they should not be accredited as a political party.

The quoted religious verses in their decision to bar LADLAD from party list system has provided an excuse to deprive LGBT people of their rights. Their interpretation only reinforce the already existing homophobic beliefs that LGBT people are 'sinful' and 'sick'. These same homophobic beliefs continue to deny us access to our most basic needs such as health services, employment, access to education, housing, among others. Thus, the negative impact of that COMELEC decision will surely touch every aspect of our lives. Those homophobic beliefs wrongly backed in religious verses and penned down by the 'three kings of lies' only expose the true reasons why up to now LADLAD is being denied of the right to political representation.

Those 'three kings of lies' surely had done a grave injustice to the LGBT peoples and communities. They are using their authority to bar a marginalize group from participating in a democratic space. Where is now the government commitment to "equality for all" and respect for all people "regardless of sex" as stated in Art 2 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights:
"Everyone is entitled to all the rights set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as...sex"?

How come those 'three kings of lies' used religious texts to cover up for their hatred of the LGBTs? The truth is they are hiding behind their cloak of authority and religious verses to spread homophobia which had long been damaging to society and to the LGBT communities. The "three kings of lies" should have optedto interpret the holy teachings to promote the idea of non-discrimination. But what they penned down was their macho and homophobic interpretation and they chose to discriminate LGBT people. Hence, they are guilty of committing grave injustice towards LGBT people.

They used the quoted verses in the Bible and Koran to justify injustice to LGBT. LGBTs are also humans and humans were created by the same God. Furthermore, those verses quoted by the 'three kings of lies' contradict our own belief that all are equal in the eyes of God. And how come they overlook a bible verse from the same Old Testament which pertains to the equality of all sexes, such as Galatians 3:28 that: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male or female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

Moreover, though we understand that at this crucial time, when 2010 elections is just around the corner, some politicians maybe reluctant to step in the issue. Some people, including some religious groups and even some LGBTs maybe reluctant to challenge religion because it is a powerful area to challenge.

But the UP Diliman Gender Office (UPDGO) is committed to challenging injustice in whatever form we see it. We are a unit responsible for ensuring gender equality among genders and promotion of human rights. If we believe that "women's rights are human rights"; it goes the same with LGBT rights.

The UP DGO found it unacceptable to discriminate LADLAD or not to accredit it as a party list just because of quoted Bible and Koran verses which were quoted out of context. In this regard, we are also calling on all progressive religious groups to challenge and and possibly change the harmful effects of those homophobic beliefs quoted in religious verses. Progressive religious groups must also challenge the 'three kings of lies' wrong use of the sacred texts. We hope that they will also be there to intervene and promote the idea that "everybody is equal in the eyes of God" and "all human beings are equal in dignity and rights."

Somehow, those same homophobic beliefs may proved to be self-defeating to any nation that discriminate 10% of its population. LGBT people are productive members of society. We are workers, farmers, teachers, guidance counselors, writers, activists, athletes, among others. Indeed, we are shapers of the future of this nation. A country which denies 10% of its population will not also grow to its fullest potentials. The least of our hope is for the government to respect our rights...

***

'Elderly wisdom'

2009-11-15T18:16:00.000-08:00

This was the second time I witnessed a familiar scene. One of the participants asked if he could lecture on a topic because the session was becoming 'boring' and 'futile'. So, the elderly speaker let him lecture. This already seasoned writer talked about the basic elements of scriptwriting, from short story to teleplay, stageplay and screenplay. I appreciated that very much because I'm just a beginner in this field. But one of the organizers lamented this uncalled for intervention. According to her, the elderly speaker already prepared an activity for the day's workshop. But tracing back the whole session from morning till the afternoon, the organizers did not give any hint as to what activity will occur for the day. It was also not clear from the elderly speaker if he is still interested to conduct an activity. All he was saying was that we could talk with him in his house to critique or polish our stories. So, that says it all. No activity or workshop will occur.

The first time I witnessed this scene was when I attended a counseling workshop. As I noted in my earlier post, the speaker also hinted that she did not prepare anything for the afternoon workshop and in the morning workshop we were inundated with 'pre-school' schools. I would like to see this as failure of the organizers to provide some alternative activities if the speaker failed to deliver. Of course, the experiences of the speakers may be tremendously rich and important but if these wisdom remain with them and cannot be conveyed in a systematic and digestible fashion, who would benefit?

Perhaps, a mentoring program would best fit elderly speakers/teachers. They need not go out of their homes and expend considerable energies in sharing their wisdom. Students must be the ones to go and visit them in their most convenient time and place, one at a time. If not, training or sharing of learnings would only lead to similar cases of frustrations and dissappoinments. Hope I will not encounter the same scenes again...

"Youth is Wealth"

2009-11-10T18:56:00.000-08:00

This was according to Pablo S. Gomez. Last saturday, i attended a workshop on comics scriptwriting. We were given each a sample scriptwriting in comics. I got hold of a series on "Mga anghel na walang langit" (angels with no heaven) and it was more than 200 pages. Whew! The session started with the life story of the writer himself. He is now 80 years old but he does not look his age, as if he is just turning 60. He already produced about 80 novels and hundreds of short stories. For him, a writer can be madel; thus, this training. Though very quite uninspiring, he said that he writes whenever he needs money. Now, his script commands a whopping P400k per script. He was once a millionaire. That was during the times when FPJ bought his script at P35k and all of those scripts were instant hit when made into movies. But for one to become a prolific comics writer, s/he be a "tsismoso/a"(gossiper); for every word counts in a comics script. One has the ear/s and the eye/s to absorb everything around him/her. As to writing titles of script, it depends on the given context. At present, titles tend to be one-liner. But for him, titles should be so interesting that readers would want to read the story/script. Every word should be interesting so that readers will turn from one page to the next. Now, he lamented the addiction of youths and children in the internet. Thus, the decline of comics reading caused his publications to collapse and now he is left with nothing. He is building from scratch again (but with the help of Susan R.). All of us enjoyed his lecture. I was personally expecting a frail and slow walking man but on the contrary, he was full of life and humor! So, I am very eager to attend the next saturday session on comics scriptwriting. Till then...

Concerns about TGs and SH

2009-10-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

Our unit conducted a gender orientation at CMC. I lectured on "sexuality and sexual identities". The room was replete with laughter especially from the men's group. Later on, I learned that most of the women audience were single and they smirked off when I uttered the Tagalog equivalent of our genitalia. But after the lecture, questions revolved around the transgendered people in the campus. The audience has this fear that the image of their campus is that of 'haven for LGBT' and sexual harassment cases.

One of the questions was the staff knew of TGs who frequent the ladies room, will they allow them? I told them to conduct a dialogue with a gay and TG group because as far as I know, the groups demand a separate comfort room for TGs and gays. But I am personally worried because we encountered a case of out gay who attended one of our trainings and yet after two months, he was convicted of child sexual abuse.

Another question was a certain TG who does not want to be addressed as "mister". I told them the change from "mister" to "miss" as a referent would require a legal process. So, it is better to drop off all the referents. A related question was how to approach such demand from TGs. I answered, just simply ask them how they want to be addressed.

It was very interesting that when a lecture on sexual harassment ensued, a letter was handed to me asking " if it is SH case when a certain male co-worker uttered directly to her 'I dreamt about you last night' while simultaneously wearing a malicious smile". I consulted our speaker on SH, she said the "smile" factor has bearing on SH and I encouraged the letterwriter to go to the office and elaborate more about the other factors and context of the SH she cited in her letter.

Shortchanged

2009-10-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

I was so eager to attend a workshop on "family counseling" because of the family problems concerning my counselees. For instance, what to do with a family with bipolar members, or how to engage in mother-daughter dialogue to patch up "generational gaps" in the family, or to reduce instances of violence in the homes (emotional abuse), or how an "alternative" (lesbian couples with children) family be counseled in cases of sexual abuse of their children by a "religious" person. Those were just several problems I encountered that challenged me to know more about family counseling.

But to my dismay, the workshop began and ended with 'pre-school' songs. I do not mean to disparage the competence of the speaker but most of us were working with elementary, high school and college students and as I noted above we encountered very difficult problems concerning families at present. One of the most articulated was the 'cyberspace addiction'. The session could have been salvaged from deterioration but nobody from the organizers intervened. (Perhaps, neither one of us had the courage to voice out because the speaker was one of the board members.)

Though I salvaged a little from her input like that of the different births a person need to undergo (physical, psychological, mental, spiritual). Though I hated it when the speaker recounted that one of her counselees 'killed' (induced abortion) her fetus. Such a conservative stance! She also gave us a hand-out about different types of "dysfunctional" families (e.g. detached, disengaged) but she never elaborated on the dynamics of those families.

I heard from one of my co-participants that perhaps the speaker, being old, was rattled by the barrage of questions from the participants so she "forgot" all about her lecture; though, that maybe one of the reasons. I surmised that the speaker is in her 'religious' mode that she only wants us to feel "love, smile, heaven and God" that she forgot that there are realities that must be addressed head on before one can actually feel love, smile, heaven and God. I myself hope that someday I will age gracefully, still grounded as well as feeling peaceful and heavenly.

Brgy. Bagong Silangan

2009-10-18T22:48:00.000-07:00

Another site our group visited to do CISD was Brgy. Bagong Silangan. The plan was to conduct puppetry, action songs and games, reading aloud, drawing activity, among others. But when we got there, there were about 500 children of all ages (we were expecting only a hundred, ages 9-12). So, we changed plan. The session started with a prayer led by a nun. She introduced two action songs. It was folllowed by reading aloud about a story of an ant which saved a lot for rainy days against a lazy grasshopper which had nothing to lean on in times of crisis. The latter survived because of the ant's help. Children went up of the stage because they cannot see the images of the ant and grasshopper. So, instead of having another reading aloud, we engaged the children in action songs.

I was so excited that I did not even noticed that my actions was that of another song (hehehe). Though I saw children even at the farthest end of the circle dancing and circling around as they moved to the beat of "Bugsay, Bugsay" (Row, Row) and "Nagagalak na Makilala" (Nice to Know You). While we were singing, ten children were gathered at the back to practice puppetry. So, when they were called upon onstage, the children's crowd went chaotic. As a whole, it was a success. The story was about a boy who lost his brother in the flood.

Gift of Holiness

2009-10-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

We (the staff) had a gender orientation among more than a hundred history students of a certain professor. I was attracted to his description of what we are doing. The professor said that "GST is a holy activity". He elaborated that he had imbibed lots of knowledge and practices that served only to 'oppress' women. So, now he is in the practice of washing his brain from all of those influences. Indeed, that was a very apt description of the activity. I was also illumined because there were lots of questions regarding homosexuality and religion. My lecture started with "trivia" questions as to who were the homosexuals in the Old and New Testament and when did same-sex marriage began. By asking trivia, I intended to tickle the imagination of my listeners of 'personas' in the Bible who was labelled as homosexuals. Questions the students asked after were: "when will same-sex marriage become a normalcy", "if lecturing on the 'normalcy' of third-gendered persons will stifle the debate on the issue", or "differentiate between gender and sexuality", among others.

Initially, I answered the difference between gender and sexuality. I said that the latter is a bigger concept and the former approximates our Tagalog concept of pagkatao. About same-sex marriage becoming a 'normalcy'; I noted it began in 14th century, but till now we have no law legalizing such practice. And what is "normal" actually depends on our notion of 'normal'. Though this term has been appropriated by different disciplines/authorities such as psychologists, psychiatrists.

After the lecture, I had to search for answers about the different world religions' stance on homosexuality. I found out that Pope Benedict XVI regarded it as "intrinsic moral evil". Buddhist monks regard all sex as prohibited; this was balanced by the ruling warrior's class of acceptance of sex. Hinduism is not supportive of H. It was regarded as source of sterility. Though we know that the Hindu's Kamasutra depict of sexual pleasures. Taoism and Confucianism are also neutral about sex. It even supports female sexual freedom because it believes that yin energies are limitless. Whew...what a gift!

Fulfilling Experience

2009-10-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

I volunteered as counselor at the Ultra Evacuation Center last week. I was with twenty four fieldwork students of the College. We were assigned to look after the 549 children ages 5-12. Unfortunately, there was no electricity. We were supposed to show a short documentary film about typhoon/ disaster. So, the students ended up as impromptu performers/actors depicting a story of a family whose main income is logging. A news breakthrough about an impending typhoon. The family was caught unprepared and they were seen climbing up their house and shouting for help. At this point, the children were shouting at the top of their voices as if they were really experiencing the same event at that moment. I thought role play is really a powerful tool in "debriefing" the children. The play ended up with the family at the evacuation center receiving relief goods and psychosocial help. I was at one corner attending to a sleepy five year old boy among other children sitting on the bench. The next day, the site received donations of toys from UNICEF. So we put the children in different tents with one box each of toys. They were so happy playing, as if there was no trace of trauma whatever. Boys in our camp were seen playing with plastic cookwares, dolls, etc. Children tend to group themselves based on the toys of interest. After a two hour play, everything seemed in chaos but deep in my heart I knew it was a very fulfilling experience because I was enervated by the enthusiasm and vitality of the children.

4-hour SRHR

2009-10-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

While typhoon Pepeng was hitting Luzon, we were pre-testing our module on SRHR among returned migrant women. It was a condensed form of a three-day training. We started with introducing ourselves with body gesture that depicts our 'best' attribute. Most of the women were known to be cheerful. Next exercise was touching the most liked and least liked body part/s. The most liked part/s were varied (eyes, hands, feet, among others) because of the functions it provide. But the least liked was commonly the 'bilbil' or 'puson' or the belly. Most of the women see it as 'disgusting' because they wanted to become 'sexy'. From there, the discussions led to the concept and standards of beauty and what makes a woman fit and beautiful. Two women were past their menopausal stage, the rest were in their forties. They learned to accept themselves or their bodies for what it is because they have given birth to several children. The most exciting part of the session was the "Choose Your Spot". Two statements were discussed: it is the woman's obligation to have sex with her husband and motherhood is tantamount to being a 'ganap na babae' or 'womanhood'.

The elderly women were certain that they did not initiate sex with their husbands while the women in their forties uses subtle 'come-ons' to intiate sex with their husbands. Another revelation was the common issue of 'sexual dalliances' among OFWs abroad. They become sexually 'liberated' to ease loneliness while working abroad. But nobody admitted they have done it personally. They cited numerous experiences: one was a co-worker who sideline as 'prostituted' woman because her family always asked for money; another was a 'promdi' co-worker who had a string of boyfriends but she was known in their place as 'demure', among others. Other issues cited were dynamics between in-laws and the spouse left behind, raising children, use of money remitted and infidelity. We ended the session with 'wishes' of women for themselves given that they have sacrificed some things for their families. Most of them wanted to finish their studies and live happily with their families. Suggestions to improve the training was to include statements like sexual activities when one is married, and how to cope with loneliness while working abroad.

Shedding Light on Anonymity

2009-09-25T00:07:00.000-07:00

I was enlightened about this concept of 'anonymity' yesterday where I shared a videoclip titled 'box this'. This was my take off point to discuss power/s derived from anonymity. I explained that assuming a posture of anonymity, one can possibly resist stereotypes by not donning those stereotypes. Anonymity can also serve as a space for exploring one's individuality, for instance when a male would not identify as gay in a bathhouse simply because that is not his gender/sexual identity; he just wanted to explore the sexual pleasures by that body. Also, while in that space or state, one can engage in visioning one's 'ideal society'. I was not able to emphasize that one assumes anonymity in those cases, not out of fear, but for the sake of positive goals such as pleasure aand visioning an ideal society.

During the open forum, I appreciated it very much when a professor commented that 'balancing identity and anonymity" might be an ideal state. He elaborated that the government is on a 'default identity' because it always account for each and every citizen's identity; in so doing or as a consequence, it curtails 'anonymity'. Another thing I realized was about 'anonymity' of youths when they are online. A psychology professor said that these youths might be forming their 'future' selves in this state of anonymity online. When I asked about 'why a suicide bomber traded his/her identity for anonymity to the point of annihilating oneself, a philosophy professor opined that this is some sort of 'perversion'. I don't know what he means by that but I believed he alluded to something like 'fanaticism'. I intend to read about this matter because I want to debunk that belief of "being anonymous is not being authentic"...

Non-labeling

2009-09-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

I was reflecting on the past GSTs we had with student organizations. Part of this is an orientation on sexuality. Everytime I asked them to raise their hands if they are in a relationship or if they already disclose their sexual identities, i only saw two to four hands raised. I was searching for possible answers...Then, I heard somebody blurted out that "at present, we young people do not label our relationships..." Perhaps, that was one of the answers. So, I asked my older friends. They said the '70s generation (flower power) was similarly like that. They also do not want to label their identities and relationships.

What possibly do they derive in doing so? I, for one, never divulged about my identity and relationships so I have this inkling we are on the same boat. First, divulging or being visible can put one in a stereotypical role or identity. The disadvantage of which is that stereotypes are often molded by media. So, it is not one's creation. Another disadvantage is one can be stigmatized or be put down by anybody who is not respectful of human rights. "To be or not to be", as Shakespeare puts it. For me, the bottomline is individuality. One can truly explore oneself and be everything in every moment without being dictated upon. I believe this is more in accordance with the Tao principle, "Tao is a thing taht is both invisible and intangible...subtle and obscure, there is essence in it (Tao Te Ching, chap 21)" or "when you organize, you must of necessity use names and order; but given that, you must know where to leave off naming and
structuring (chap 32)."

I remembered very well when I called a "gay-looking" student, "Miss", he was angry at with and corrected my signifier. It dawned on me that markers such as clothes and looks could be deceiving because they are markers from the outside of someone who was looking in. Beings are not identifiable fully from what they wear, what they do, what they feel. They must be understood from the knowledge of the dynamics of all of those and from the person/s admittance of her/his wholeness. Dimensions of a human being cannot be well defined and may show off inconsistently depending on the context in which they are examined. Thus, unless they admitted to who they are, we do not have the right to 'out' or 'name' them.

Nothingness

2009-08-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the way two deans were discussing on how to present the state of their discipline. They will collect from the past ten years of academic works from journals, dissertations, books, among others from four or five leading organizations or institutions on the field. One of them said, "there must be some sort of tradition that emerged such as Marxist, structuralist, etc." The other contended that the emerging trend now was more of interdisciplinary: a discipline informing other disciplines. Their discussions diverged a little bit to the local state of the discipline. One of them was very proud to announce that in his area the approach nowadays was to focus on an object and from that object map out the different aspects of life: culture, technology, livelihood, etc. He identified that "sago" (similar to tapioka) can feed the whole area and yet it was not tapped or accepted by the community. The other remarked that this is the point where culture work can come in. I replied "that was the same approach we did with our day care curriculum". From an object like a frog, the whole curriculum was designed: frog as an animal for biology; frog meat for food or nutrition, frog sound for music, etc. I hesitated to add that perhaps, there might be some sort of 'taste saturation' among the locals when they have been eating that stuff since the time they were born and grew up in the place.

Another debate was over what approach or perspective to take in making a better discipline: is it 'objectifying the object' or 'subjectifying the subject'. I was lost at this point because I was thinking of how a suicide bomber, having lived as both an object and subject of her/his culture, can come to that point in his/her life when he/she will 'sacrifice' his own life or be reduced to a point of nothingness or annihilation of the self. How can they eliminate the very subject/object which they have created throughout her/his one's life...That for me was a very interesting subject. But I did not bring it up because I knew the two deans were at the plane of 'materialism' and I'm lingering at the spiritual realm of life...

Revisiting Drama Workshop

2009-08-23T19:58:00.000-07:00

We were ten participants, just enough for a small group therapy session. It was a very interesting group because it was multi-generational (from 17 to 63 years old; with 40s, 30s and 50s age representative) , across social classes (urban poor and middle class; educated and uneducated) and representing different cases of VAW (battering, sexual harassment). Some were also survivors-counselors. It started with introduction of oneself by citing one's most significant attribute. Then, we were grouped in dyads. A would introduce B and vice-versa. Another session which was very powerful was the sensory release exercises. They sat like "doll rags" and experienced relaxing exercises. Afterwhich, they were instructed to create their own mug. One must feel, smell and taste what's in their mug (the objective of which is to be able to become confident of creating one's life). In the afternoon, we drew our "24-hour" routine, based on our own interpretation. It was funny because one of the participants mentioned that her own mother verbally abused her at certain time of a day, almost everyday. The youngest, surprisingly, was the earliest worm among others. She wakes up at 4am so that she can reach her work at 7am. Then, we again plot our "lakbay-buhay" (life journey) by using Rudolf Steiner's seven year cycle. My own personal plot revealed that I did not remember my earliest memories of abuse because the 7-14 experience were littered with happy moments. But the teen age years and adulthood became sad because of the remembrance of abuse. Now, I'm on my way to spiritual quest...Life, I believe is marred with those "grief" to enable us to learn certain needed virtues...

Lastly, I personally learned that women underwent different challenges in life and came out as if unscathed but resolved to be more courageous and determined. I admired all of the participants because each of them came out with courageous stories of how they were able to overcome challenges in life. One was an uneducated woman who married young and now longs for a life-long learning experience and she found it in a women's group. Another was a former prostituted woman and now she vowed never to do that again. She turned to prostitution in the hope for easy money. Now, she learned that life is more precious when one is with people she loves, particularly her own children. Another one has reached a top position in the finance world (vp), and she realized that it was not that fulfilling! What fulfills her now is her relationship with God. Another one said that she also had had experiences of intellectual successes abroad but her own family tragedies forced her to reflect and change direction towards spiritual path. A younger woman dsclosed for the first time that she was sexually harassed by her own brother. Another maturing woman related her unrelentless quest for financial support from her husband. She persistently monitored the paper trail of her request and waited for the Secretary of Dep Ed so he can sign it personally. What a trailblazing act! The youngest participant also revealed the tragedy of her childhood years when she was kidnapped by her own father and witnessed him battering her own mother. Now, she initially blurted out that she does not want to get married.
I, for one, realized that being complete is being at peace with oneself...All of us were hoping this kind of session will continue, if not with the same group, maybe for different sets of women.

Touched by Cory

2009-08-05T17:00:00.000-07:00

When Fr. Arevalo was saying his eulogy for Cory, I was touched by certain lines he uttered. First, he was narrating about how Cory described an abyss, she likened it to an open and eternal arms of the Lord. Second, he said that Cory did a "roses and crosses" painting and wrote a haiku at the back of it. Cory thought that her "sufferings" ended when Ninoy was incarcerated for seven years and seven months. But till she contracted a colon cancer, she realized that there is no such thing as "quota of sufferings". The last words that touched me was when he mentioned that Cory was a "self-gift". It means Cory was a blessing for the Filipino people. When I heard Cory uttered in her own words, "Ikinararangal kong maging Filipino", I truly felt she is a blessing for the Filipinos. I am touched to the bones, soul and spirit because I never heard such sincerity from a leader. She truly deserved her title of being a great Filipino. Hope our people will also lived up to her desire of what a great Filipino each of us can become. With her courage, selflessness and faith she has shown to all of us, I knew deep in her heart she can always utter, "you are what I am" and if we desire so, we can all become like her for the glory of ourselves, our people and our nation...

Updates and Questions on Human Trafficking

2009-07-30T23:59:00.000-07:00

I was privileged to attend a Network on this kind of advocacy. I learned a lot about new forms of human trafficking and felt the vibrancy of child advocacy work again. Earlier, I only knew about sexual trafficking, but now they were talking about organ trading, surrogacy and even stem cell extraction! It was shocking at first to hear people from urban poor communities selling their kidneys at p70,00 per piece. Worse, women are selling their wombs in installment payment totalling P700,000plus. There was no mention of the amount of what it costs for stem cell extraction; perhaps, it was even higher...So, how can this be arrested? There was a sharing among police attaches from European nations. They were urging the communities to report to them evidences and encouraging them to support witnesses and victims of trafficking to pursue their case/s. But the problem is the same communities are in need of the 'lure of money' in exchange for their very organs. How can we encourage them to defy their own needs and hand themselves to the police as the very persons who condone such practice? I don't know...Then, the Secretary of a government agency blame it on 'dysfunctionality' of the families because they were the ones who encourage their own members to look for money and for jobs, accepting those jobs even when though there is high possibility that they will be exploited. Perhaps, the Secretary should give the people a comprehensive picture of the problem and not zeroing in the family as the 'root' of the problem...The very presence of the Network prove that it is a multi-factorial problem and need a more comprehensive viewing and not mere fundamentalizing of the phenomenon. (I believe she just wanted the people to veer away from blaming the government because the bigger factor is in fact poverty.)

Emotions and the Case of 'K'

2009-07-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

Human nature really amazed me like yesterday...I had a counselee (K) whose very strong emotion (anger) affected me slightly. I was looking intently at the way she gritted her teeth, threw invectives to every person she knew was 'conniving' to push her 'down'. That was her appraisal of her situation (in psychological parlance, 'paranoia'). But I refused to label her because that was feminist counseling is all about: contextualizing the situation of women and perhaps addressing this through more liberating actions. Her anger is consuming her: she was angry with her family because she was thrown out of the house and in incarcerated because she stabbed their househelp with scissors. She admitted that incident but with no remorse. So, she fend for herself through tutoring and sometimes through theft. Later, through my persistent intervention, the mother gave in and helped K with the payment of rent, washing of clothes and giving of food. But for a week ssince yesterday, the mother refused to wash K's clothes and give food because she refused to be coerced by her into submission (according to the mother, K was very ungrateful and violent towards her).

The worst incident also happened two days before yesterday. K 'manhandled' a young lawyer. According to the latter, when he was aboout to broach to another compadre the case of K, the latter grabbed him by the upper arm and squeezed it to the point it hurt. So, he was sugesting to me that K should be 'committed' to a mental institution because she cannot be good at human relations and posed danger to anybody. He was willing to do the letter of endorsement and talk with the mother of K.

This afternoon I will confer with K's mother and I also would like to inform her that K was holding a big chunk of wood that she hit every now and then to the point that all of my co-workers were very worried what was happening in the counseling room. I was able to lessen K's anger by noting why she had to harm the people who could help her. K ended up pleading to me to talk with the lawyer that the incident was 'merely a gesture of endearment'...

Good and Bad Day

2009-07-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

I was shocked when I heard the news that my 'nanay-nanayan' passed away early this morning. When we were in college, she used to cook our meals (me and best friend). She is actually a mother to me. I was in a dilemma whether to attend to her demise or continue with my lecture among students. The door give way to the latter. And I treasured every moment conversing with the students about gender issues in and out of campus. There was a question on whether it is a man's duty to give up her seat for a woman. I told him it depends on the mindset of the woman. There are women who still love gallantry but there are some who opt not to entertain that because it means one is accepting the societal thinking taht 'women are by nature weak'. Another question was about the image of UP as 'dumping ground' of 'badings' (gays). I told him what it is in 'bading' that makes them 'less of a man'. The problem with that is the 'stigma' attached to the term. But when one is a gay that has actualized himself into something that he really wants, we care no less of the 'label'. Another remark was about the 'stereotyping' of women-driven movies and how it fared less in the ticket booths. I answered 'yes', men are more valorized when they have more 'women' (mistresses) compared to women. That is 'double-standard'. Actually, I did not elaborate on the 'softie' movies vs. 'violent' movie stuff which characterize female vs. male stuff. I want them first to feel the issue as individuals.

In the end, I realized that this day is both a good and bad day: good that I stayed on because I learned the different issues boggling students' minds; but, in my heart, I really wanted to cry and embrace the family of my bestfriend because our 'mother's demise. Now, I know what it means to welcome life- al-jalal, al-jamal...

Accrediting Student Orgs Thru GSTs

2009-06-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

Our unit is tasked to accredit students' organizations by giving them a three-hour gender sensitivity. We opened the session by a game called "group yourselves according to". So, I let them group themselves based on their age, colleges, religion, regional location and type of family (with two parents or single parent). It was a revelation that most of the students, at that time, come from Luzon area (only two from Mindanao). All of them are Roman Catholics. Only one from the College of Law, some are from Education, Home Economics, Tourism, etc. I asked them what are the "images" (stereotypes) of their college. It was familiar to hear that HE has the 'motherly' image. But with a male student enrolled in HE, I should have asked how he felt. I delved more on the three students with single moms. One of them said, "matiisin ang kababaihan" or women are persevering so they can perform very well as effective moms. From there, I discussed how women have been marginalized citing statistics on violence, work, empowerment.

One question from a fraternity man united the males in the group. He said, "akala ko gender equality ang topic, bakit ang babae lang ang pinakikitang agrabiyado" (I thought this is about gender equality, why is that only women were portrayed as disadvantaged). So, I encouraged him to mention a men's concern which made them at a disadvantaged position. He said women employing domestic househelp (OFWs) only shows women are 'oppressing' other women; not that men oppresses women (to that effect). So I told them that women's disadvantaged position evolved historically. During the olden days, when women live in a communal structure, every child is taken cared of by the whole community, not by individual women. When industrialization sets in, men were displaced from their families and become workers. So, women stayed at home and did housework. Now that women are in demand abroad as DHs, so the men take on the job as 'househusbands'. And I commend these men who chose or perform such role/s. This is the same solution that most wives advocate: for their husbands to share in the housework.

I don't know if I had convinced them of the necessity of advocating for gender equality, but the fact that they freely shared their feelings about their mothers and their views about gender inequality and lastly asking my name, perhaps that would tell a lot about the effectiveness of making them feel what it means to be women in this society...

'It was a personal matter', according to VC

2009-06-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

I was so frustrated that after 19 years of advocating against violence against women (VAW), a high ranking university woman official still view it as 'personal matter' and she cannot do something about it. This was actually the sixth time I referred case/s of wife-battering to her office. Her response was the same. "It was a personal matter and her office cannot do anything about it". Does she know that wife-battering is already a crime? How come she cannot do something about it when in fact six of her men employees are battering their wives? She can employ meta-legal actions to curb those incidents of wife abuse. She can request sessions on RA 9262 and VAW Orientation. She can even talk personally with her men workers on how to treat their wives fairly. That is if she believes in women's rights.

Though the university has more women workers and officials at present, it does not amount to gender-fair treatment of women. Maybe because some women officials themselves do not see that "women outside of the university are worth fighting for". So, physical females as leaders do not amount to progressive environment for women in the communities. They too are short-sighted. They are made limited by their work. Their vision of a gender-fair community is dictated upon by their work. They do not truly envision a society that is violence-free for all women and children.

Perhaps, because the law says that one has to file a court case to be able to have justice, some of them think that because their office is not a legal office, they can easily turn their back/s from the abused women saying "they are not the proper authorities" to mete out justice. How can a woman official turn her back to another woman in need of her help? How can inaction lead to attainment of justice?

I don't know...perhaps, the educational system must also hone golden heart/s among its officials that they can give time to people, especially to women and children, so that in their 'high' station, they can help people attain justice in the here and now...

Advocating RR and LGBTQIC Among Aeta women

2009-06-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

I had a three-day training lately with 30 Aeta women of Zambales. Some of them were not indigenous-looking anymore because there had been intermarriages (some with Bicolanos). (And these 'new' generation looked like 'latinas'!) My session began with me drawing two naked women on the board. Then, there was a remark that the breasts were not of equal size. To the delight and laughter of everybody, one woman named Indon Pusarit (mother of Pusarit) raised her blouse and curiously looked at her breasts if they were really unequal. Yes, the woman was totally uninhibited with her body. Then, I asked them to name the part that they liked most and that which ached most. Another indigenous woman pointed to her vagina as the part she liked most and so the group laughed even louder...But the part which ached most for most of them was their "puson" (near the vaginal area) because of UTI. So, I found out that it was due to 'unsafe' intercourse with their husbands. Another interesting revelation was they have a sambal term for 'clitoris' (the most pleasurable part of our body), they call it "tenden". Another important idea was they have 'divorce'. They can separate from their husbands if they want to even if there is no 'grave' reason (e.g. battering, non-supportive, etc). The only condition is to return the dowry that their husbands paid to their parents which ranged from P50,000 to P100,00 (installment). Aeta women's sexuality proved to be exciting. Though most of them marry early and had more number of children at an early age. Lastly, a gay teenager (who is one of our facilitators and a product of intermarriage) showed me pictures of their Youth Camp. There I saw her "barkadas" of IP gay teenagers. She said she was 'out' to them but not to a bigger group. Last year, they held 'Miss Gay' activity with a twist by depicting issues in the community. But four years ago, their leader boldly said that there are no gays among their tribes. Truly, continuous advocacy really made a difference!

Physical Therapy (PT)

2009-06-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

The physical therapist told me that my posture (head tilted to the right and forward) caused the sharp pain at my left scapula. I realized this was the same posture I had every time I listened to a counselee. His diagnosis was not encouraging. He told me to watch my posture and see to it that my head is straightly aligned (not leaning to the left or right). During younger days, one's youthful strength can compensate for "mis-alignment"; but when one is not getting any younger, the muscles tend to solidify every time it is mis-align.

So, he applied the "trigger point therapy" and taught me a set of six-step isometric (contraction) exercises. Trigger point therapy started by checking the alignment of my scapula. He told me to push against the wall while he was grasping my scapula one at a time. He turned it left and right. My scapula proved to be a little inflexible and the muscles surrounding it are hard or tensed. So, I laid down on one side then he put pressure around the scapula, detecting which point/s are tensed or tender. The mid-point of the left scapula proved to be the most painful. He pressed it then released or relaxed the point. This is to allow the blood to fill up that painful portion. He explained and demonstrated through his fist that my muscles are tensed so it can only move a little unlike relaxed muscles which can move very flexibly.

Isometric therapy begins with the head. I will move my head downward with my hands on pressing it until I feel the tensions in my back neck muscles (10 seconds each count for 10 counts). Then, relax by getting to the head straight position. Second exercise is to press my hands on my forehead, with my hands putting pressure on forehead and the latter resisting my hand pressure (1o seconds each count for 10 counts). Then, back to relax position. Third exercise is to press my right hand against my right head (opposing pressure) (10 seconds each count for 10 counts). Back to relax position. Fourth exercise is similar to the third; on the left side. Fifth exercise is to place my hands on the back side of head putting pressure on my head while the latter resists it. Then, back to relax position. The last exercise is to place left side of my body against the wall with my left hand pushing my head to turn towards the right, looking down and feeling the tensions at my back neck muscles (10 seconds each count, 10 counts). Back to relax position. Do the same exercise on the right side of the body (10 seconds each count for 10 counts).

Those set of exercises actually released the tensions I had at the left scapula. Hope I can do it regularly. The therapist reminded me that the upper portion of the body affects the lower portion of the body and vice-versa. This is in reference to my complaint of numbness on my right foot. He hoped that those isometric exercises will ease my right foot numbness if I will religiously conduct those exercises. Though he noted that numbness usually means there's some nerves affected. He also reminded me to stand up and walk after 30 minutes of sitting which I have to be reminded of because a counseling session usually lasts for an hour or two. I realized that the body is somehow affected no matter how I relax it or debrief my self after a day's work.

Imagine Philippines Movement: 'Pearl in a Parol'

2009-05-31T16:55:00.000-07:00

The launch started with a documentary film of Dewitt Jones titled "Celebrating What's Right in the World". I was affirming every picture caught in his film especially that of a dandelion sparkling and dancing with lights. I thought "yes, it really depends upon one's perception of how the world would like!" Thus, despite the heavy rains, the launch was attended by more than a hundred people (including Sr. Mary John, Jun Lozada, Nicki Perlas, Sixto Rojas and others) who would like to see a better Philippines in the future, way beyond the 2010 elections. As SAIDI is known for, the Appreciative Inquiry approach was used in the workshop to envision a better Philippines. Two guide questions were answered: one's stories that make one "proud to be Pinoy!" and one's vision of an ideal Philippines.

During our group discussion, I caught the answer (or a sort of it) to a question which has been bogging me yesterday, this comes in the metaphor we arrived at of what we would like our country to be in the future. The metaphor was a pearl inside a parol (star) or vice-versa. A pearl is always produced through constant and intense irritations and the parol produced multi-colored lights especially during Christmas. For me, those 'irritations' that produced the pearl can be likened to the chaos that beset our country. Eventually, these chaos would strengthen us and produce the best in the Filipino people. The sparkle of lights which comes from the inside of any 'parol', on the other hand, show that our country must always appreciate what it is our culture or the 'inward-looking development' so that the beauty of each localities will contribute in the enhancement of what we call holistic and multi-colored development.

I hope that wonderful workshop can be replicated in the different work areas or places each of us can be found. In my case, I would love to hear my former high school classmates talk about or share their stories of being proud Pinoy in the different countries they are in right now as well as in the fields they are working at present. Hope we can craft our hopes and dreams for a better Philippines through the website we have created. I'll tell you about it later...

Sexualities and Sexual Identities

2009-05-29T00:43:00.000-07:00

In the morning, we had 35 participants for this GST training. I was assigned to discuss about sexualities and sexual identities. The group was mixed in terms of age and genders. One was openly gay. Two other young males asked about "the danger of identifying young gays as gays" because they are still 'in transition'. My curt reply was "even children are socially competent to identify themselves as 'baklitas' (that was the term they used when interviewed in a TV series)". I noted what is more dangerous is to belittle them as "gays" when they do not yet identify themselves as such.

My lecture started with a series of pictures showing different 'masculinities' and 'feminities'. I intentionally picked 'metrosexuals' (who politically do not identify themselves as 'gays). Yet the common response of the audience was that they are gays. Then I proceeded with the different perspectives on sexuality: as a an attraction, energy, continuum/spectrum and as power struggle. I was able to add the different types of masculinities and bisexualities, for instance. In this, I got a lot of insights from Hernandez' study of male sex workers. He pointed out the usefulness of the framework of 'pagkatao' and concepts such as 'labas' (outside), and 'loob (inside). For him, male sex workers were active sexual agents who are still caught in ambivalence: while serving sexually male clients, they are still forming their own family (with wife and children) which for them is the 'natural' sexuality of men. From his framework, I believe that the notion of 'lalim' (depth) must also be added because this is where the struggle of the mind and body takes place (producing ambivalence). It is where the core of one's humanity is being produced (part of which is one's sexuality). I was also able to cite historical gender resistances (UP Masaya, Lesbond, etc.) in and out of the country.

What made me laughed was the comment: "if we allow LGBTs to come out, would it result to a more chaotic world?". Definitely, answer/s to this requires a lot of contextualization: historical, biological/evolutionary. Off hand, I thought of saying, "species like the seahorse exemplifies a 'reversed' world because the male of the species reproduce". If that is so, would that result in a chaotic world among the animal kingdom?

I don't know how to arrive at a more satisfying answer to the question. Evidently, that question was framed with fears and under the pretext that we are living in a 'natural' order of things. Would being a member of the 'lesser sexualities' result in confusion? But our developmental pathways as gendered human beings also undergo the same process of gender 'dysphoria' or chaos especially when we transition from one stage to the next: from childhood to adulthood, or from being reproductive to menopausal. So, from an individual point of view, we have been in chaos all our lives because chaos result to changes, for better or for worse. Change is the only constant thing in this world. And by changing our norms (e.g. polarization of gender), it will definitely spells 'chaos' and chaos which will also lead to a better world because it intends to address our changing needs and aspirations which we hope will bring about that society/ies we dreamed of...

Dance Movement Therapy (DMT): 'My Body Can't Lie'

2009-05-28T00:22:00.000-07:00

I participated in one and half day training on DMT with Sharon Chaiklin as our resource person. But I was not able to finish the half day because I suffered from "bad cough". This was not new to me because the first time I had a DMT session, I also suffered from "fever". I guessed my whole body was telling me that DMT opened up a lot of body issues that I was not prepared yet to address. The first time was about incest and this time, it was about the 'bad break up' I had with a former lover. When Sharon requested us to find a place where we wanted to surface memories of a painful experience, I chose a place by the window. I also did not expect that the pain was lodged at the back shoulder blades. I was trying to breathe in to those parts but to no avail. It just aggravated my condition. I did'nt share that to the big group because it would take a lot explanation. I realized I was not yet ready for that 'secret' information (just like the dilemma of the kid in the movie "The Reader") to be divulged.

At the beginning of the workshop, somebody touched my back (in the "Blind Walk" activity) and it felt so warm. I believe it probably indicates the warmth of that woman. Another one led me to a 'flying' dance towards the porch and I put my head on her shoulders. Perhaps, it differs when one was being led by somebody whom one trusts so much (e.g. a friend) compared to just an acquaintance. We also had a 'mirroring' exercise. This time my partner was a stress management consultant. She was really sincere in my mirroring my movements, even with the bent of my head and my emotions seen through my eyes. I was a little bit hesitant of those movements so I was trying to engage her in a conversation. But at the back of my mind, truly movement speaks very powerfully. In my case, I cannot yet face that power inherent with my body. When such power can be communicated to others, it will truly create a genuine dialogue, and that what makes DMT a very complicated and powerful tool for healing. I have yet to explore it myself...

Reworking Peer Facilitation

2009-05-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

Actually, we have been doing this since the time I was employed here in the University. We gathered at least five members of the USC (representing different genders: lesbian, gay, TG, straight women) and oriented them on women and gender issues. At night, these USC group accompanied us to orient 'dormers' around the university on the said issues. What attracted these youths to join us in our campaign I believe is our analytical frame (feminism). This frame allowed them a broader understanding of the gendered relations they were experiencing (having 'outed' themselves at this 'early' stage in their lives) in campus. Though personally, I believe that these issues are too late for their schooling careers, it must have started in pre-school.

But what constraints us from continuing with this laudable activity? First, it was tasking for both the facilitators and the participants. It can only be done after 6pm when most of the dormers are at their dorm taking rest or studying. Second, the peer facilitators term last only for a year. We recruit members of the peer gender educators mostly from the fourth year class. Concomitant to the second, the unit itself did not design any continuing education program for the peer educators. It was just a one-shot orientation on the issues. This same orientation they will echo to the 'dormers'.

Reworking on the concept of peer facilitation may address our concerns. We can possibly post (manually or virtually) advertisements for those who want to become peer educators on gender issues so that we can recruit from all levels and colleges. Also, we can design a continuing or ladderized educational program for the peer facilitators. Of course, we will strengthen our analysis on the gendered process and relations between and among students and how these are recreated in campus setting using feminist lens. What we can't change is the time (after 6pm) the sessions are conducted. Or we can devise a more interactive session/s with them to lighten an enliven the activit/ies. Hope we can take off again using this approach this first semester...

Refreshing Freshie Orientation

2009-05-12T18:06:00.000-07:00

Last week, a co-worker and I was part the University-wide Freshie Orientation. It was truly a refreshing experience for me! Laughter filled the auditorium as the two hosts (a woman and a gay student) mimicked stereotypes of students from different colleges (e.g. a College of Science student would even identify the stone thrown at him by his girlfriend as "igneous" rock with some mineral content and a CHK student would do some acrobatic rounds before giving the ballpen to another student). They also did some segue ways before introducing our unit such as saying "is there a female version of the Oblation". So, I gave some trivia before elaborating about our unit such as the female Oble resides at UP College of Medicine. She is also naked; only one breast showing because she wears a sablay. The male Oble used to be totally naked but a former president placed a leaf on his organ for moral purposes. The whole auditorium was also filled with laughter when I noted that there are already twenty more genders and we only knew seven of them. In their age now, they must have known only two but later in their college years, they would be expressing other gender preferences. Another exciting part of the Orientation was the UP Street Dance. They taught several dance steps such as "jump (2x), shrug (2x), roll (2x), beat (2x)". The next day, the UP Pep Squad taught the students several UP chants like the "UP Fight', "Hey", "Hey, Hey" and the most difficult was the 'pagbabaybay ng UP'. But the one I loved most was the rendition of the UP Singing Ambassador of Leo Valdez's 'Magsimula Ka'. Oh! I could not ask for more. I hope those activities somehow inspired them to be the best persons they could be.

Feminist 'Blues'

2009-04-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

Our training specialist and I had a brainstorming regarding GST conducted among workers in the university. I posed a lot of questions which up to now I don't have the answers. One was this effect of GST. We trained a group of workers from the College of Law and another batch from the Campus Maintenance Office. To our surprise, one of the participants in one batch committed a statutory rape and another participant from another batch committed a double rape. Both were incarcerated. Based on my hindsights, I would like to believe that training on women and gender issues are not enough to prevent committments of such crimes. Those men (one of them was openly gay)committed rape because of the various factors (personal and societal), a mere one-shot training would have no impact at all to deter them from committing those crimes.

Another mind boggling paradox with regard to training was that remark from a fellow counselor that 'there's no such thing as feminist counseling'. She is a middle-aged woman who has been doing counseling twenty years or more. She already got her doctorate in counseling. But here she is with that cutting remark. I was a bit terrified because she is already an institution in counseling. But this dissappointment can also be traced from another incident. I also knew of a counselor who claimed to be a feminist. But when her book on counseling was written, there was no mention of feminist counseling. I thought, " who would want to be labelled?" To arrest this dilution of the historic word 'feminist, I believeit needs more than destigmatization: it must be something like historicization or contextualization (high fallutin words that also need to be explained in popular terms.)

Empowering and Disempowering Women

2009-04-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

I was shocked at this morning's open conflict between my women co-workers. Really, I could not react the way I used to react whenever men are in conflict with other men. This is because I cannot explain how another woman disempowers another woman. Disempowerment between and among women may arise from positions of power (e.g. boss-empoloyee) or from the style of communication (e.g. one is more assertive than another), or from resources (e.g. rich-poor women),or from other sources that cannot be easily seen or measured. Whether in big or small women's organizations, conflicts such as what I witnessed this morning, arise. From my own point of view, a confrontational approach really does not work for women. I tried that many times before, even in intimate relationships, and it often led to disengagement. Thus, creating barriers or divide between and among women.

For the purpose of immediately addressing these conflicts, perhaps, we can always try other methods such as mediation, organizational development or cultivation of values such as peace and harmonious relationships among leaders and members of an organization. When I say mediation, it means having a third party who can patch up differences between and among 'parties in conflict'. A mediator must be unbiased, a person that is respected by both parties. Another method would be an OD workshop on conflict resolution. The groups or persons in conflict must be able to face each other in an environment that would tackle their issues at work. And perhaps instilling values on harmonious or peaceful relationships must be cultivated even on day one at work. These are just some proposals which must be tested. Perhaps, in the long run, we may know which will work for an all-women's organization.

These conflicts in women's organizations actually inspire me to search for meanings why women whether in big or small organizations often end up in intense conflicts and almost often lead to disengagement. For me, it is a big challenge if we can find some the factors that led to the intensity of the conflict: what predispose the women to engage in such rage? what triggers women to openly attack another woman? These are some of my questions. Perhaps, some answers to these questions will strategically address on what will create a truly nurturing women's movement/s for women...

'Crucify Me'

2009-04-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

That was my friend's plea when she underwent her first chemotherapy. I cannot imagine how painful it was for her. She is a medical doctor and nobody from his parents' line suffered from cancer. It was her who broke that line. She was diagnosed positive of 'ashimoto lymphoma' last year (October). She always had this annual general check-up when her oncologist noticed that she has an enlarged lymphnode near the throat area. She advised her to go for further examination but she missed that because of work. It was December and the nodes grew larger. So, she was immediately taken to the OR for biopsy. Her oncologist was also her former student in medicine. She was able to identify only a cancer cell taken from her throat biopsy. So, the family had to be sure of that final diagnosis. They sent the biopsy to the University of Maryland in the US. The experts from UM were able to identify 6 strands. The same treament was recommended: RSHOCK (?). Each letter stands for a chemical. And it is worth P80,000 per letter per cycle. So, the family offered to take her abroad to undergo that treatment. She opted to stay in the Philippines. Now, she was able to survive the first cycle of chemotherapy. She suffered from hair loss. According to her, the black hairs which fall first, then the 'white'or gray hair follows. Three times she almost lost her life during that ordeal. First, when it was only a suspicion that she has lymphoma, she almost choke to death with a bit of chicken that blocked her throat. It was fortunate that a nurse was with her. Another incident of near death was when they were having a medical treatment, the doctor cannot find her trachea. She already turned blue for several minutes and her friends were already praying for her life. Luckily, the doctor was able to find her trachea. Third incident was when she has to undergo a citi-scan from neck to stomach. The medical staff was about to introduce a dye, which nobody knows if she will have adverse reactions to it. The staff cannot find her veins four times so they can introduce the dye. Another stroke of luck came when the senior doctor came in the operating room and stopped the 'dyeing' process. So, the medical treatment was held without the use of the dye. Next week, the opening on her throat would be closed so that she can be prepared to undergo the next cycle of chemo. I just can't take it when we have to be interrupted from our conversations because she has to cough and remove the secretions coming from her throat. She even admitted having incontinence because of the whole process. I can only pray at this time for God to give her more courage to face this painful challenge in her life. I believe she is the most courageous woman I have ever met in my whole life. Allah will take care of her...

First High School Class Reunion

2009-04-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

At first I was not sure why do we need to reunite after 26 years. But after that three-day reunion, I felt I was drinking an overflowing cup of joy, so filled to the brim that I cannot contain my joy and it let everybody drink from it! On the first day, we had an informal gathering in the morning: setting up the site for the reunion (formal) at 5pm. I made some banderitas (which I learned from a Japanese paper cutting class) till wee hours of the morning. The decorations committee arrived iniatially. We hang the banderitas around the site to create a "fiesta effect". We came in by batch. Some came with their families. A table was set up for lunch (pot luck). The afternoon was so delightful because of the videoke. Jill started singing "We've only just begun". I also interviewed her in front our gigantic tarpaulin (because she could not make it in the evening, she is bound for Indonesia the next day). The tarpaulin were full of high school memories. At the topmost left was our speech choir picture. I was wearing a red bandana and a red-dotted sleeveless dress. I remembered we were performing as "Filipinos working abroad" (I was supposed to be a DH?). At the other side was our class picture (45 classmates). I was sitting on the second row and was hugging my bestfriend Julie. The LCD projector was set up by Jojo. He initially featured highlights from our past meetings. We had our first preparatory meeting at La Mesa Grill (MOA). Then, a second one at Max's and another one at Tsoko Nut. Those meetings were full of fun, laughter and of course we were able to decide on major things such as funding or cost-sharing, tasking and 'who will locate who'. We were able to locate 40 of our classmates. But two of there were not able to sign because one was on-board and the other was just "too busy" (?).

The evening proper started with introduction of one self and their family members. Only two were not able to make it: Edlegs and Ferdie T. I shed some tears because I cannot understand why is it that they valued more their jobs than this once-in-a lifetime gathering. There were revelations during the introductions. Some were delightful and some were saddening: one of my classmates suffered from "lupus" but she was able to recover; our class adviser suffered from a debilitating stroke. Next was the AVP. Funny because it featured my "crush" and I dancing. Some were asking if i had a crush on him (hehehe). The whole presentation were littered with "ohs" and laughters. The background music "high school life" and "this is me" perfectly fit the atmosphere. We also huddled in groups while eating our suffer. The program proper ended with recognition of our teachers and distribution of our memorabilia.

The second part of our reunion proved to be more exciting. We went to a road trip from Tarlac to Pangasinan all the way to Olongapo City. Roy J. invited us to his wonderful house and welcomed us with a sumptuos lunch. Wow! the walls of his house featured flowing fountains and the third floor was where the antique paintings hang. We took a group photo at the terrace. From there, we proceeded to Monasterio de Tarlac. A big statue of the Risen Christ stood at the entrance of the site. My grandnephew Noknok (4-year) was with us and he referred to Christ as "bro" (from famous TV series). So, I took pictures of him, together with "bro". We attended the Holy Mass. Most of us were tearful when we got out of the Church (it was like attending a Cursillo).

Along the road, we shared stories and lots of laughters inside each car. Two of our classmates suffered from hoarse voice because of the 'unlimited' jokes (hehehe) of Roland and everybody. We were also greeted with thunder and lighting and heavy rains while proceeding to Pangasinan. Surprisingly, on our next turn, there was not even a single mark of raindrop. So, the children and I shared a pleasurable evening playing with patintero and sharing jokes while sitting on the stone mandala. Surprisingly, I was amazed at the intelligence of how they delivered their jokes (hehehe) because they even beat us with our canned jokes (hehehe).

Also, ten of us had a meeting till wee hours of the morning. Fortunately, we arrived at crucial decisions such as changing our domain name (based on to be-conducted site poll) and creation of 4 committees (membership, finance, audit and special events). Revelations about "crushes",struggles about work and life were also shared.

Luckily, the next morning, sunrise greeted us. My "apo" and I fed the fishes on the pond. Most of us walked along the beach. You should have seen how Romeo and Paz hugged each other like Vi and Bot. Rory, Ting and Osy continued chatting while walking along the beach. We ate eggs, longganisa de Vigan, chicken and ripe mangoes for breakfast. Then, we went to another long trip to Olongapo to meet Rory's father. Earlier, Inan brought the group to his "salt farm". Only one group brought Rory to her father's site. The other three vehicles proceeded to a certain restaurant in Subic. We ate roasted chicken, pork chop and ice cream. Wow! the view was terrific! It was overlooking the Subic Bay dockyard. There was, at that time, people who were flying/sea gliding hooked on a big balloon. Some were enjoying banana boat ride. So, what we did was to maximize this background and took some photos where we were like jumping or flying. It was truly a very wonderful trip! (Because we were overjoyed, we forgot to buy some 'pasalubongs' for our families back home, so we ended up searching for fruits and other kakanins at SM centerpoint (hehehe)).

Basic Pottery

2009-04-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

Pottery is similar to molding one's life. You take a piece of it one at a time, feel it, smell it, and throw away anything that is harsh and unmanageable. Next is to put it all together, create a one big mold out of the separated pieces. Feel it up and down trying to create a circular shape in the process. Then, carefully use your thumb to push a hole inside the circle. To widen that hole, one has to use the other hand as support from the outside while the thumb is pushing from the inside. Cracks usually happen. To smooothen that, use a little water and gently rub those parts.

I made a medium sized mug that day. I also a created a cover for it. The design was inspired by my name in Alibata and the infinity symbol. Later, we will have a session on glazing clay pot/s.

A glimpse at how ICT training empowers women

2009-03-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

It was disheartening that three of our women participants could not make it to the training because they lack the money or transportation allowance (though we keep re-assuring them that they can re-imburse it after the day's training). I believe this is just a reflection of how hard the times is. No one wants to lend them money for fare. Perhaps, we can reconsider giving them an allowance a day before the training (though that may seem so tasking from the organizers), I think empowering women is finding practical ways of addressing their concerns, no matter how big or small it is. I believe in the principle of supporting them 'all the way' (even out of one's pocket). This principle entails patience and sustainability. Patience in finding ways of addressing the multi-faceted concerns of women, easing the obstacles that blocked women's learning and being there to support them perhaps in a more sustained way.

In this training, I have witnessed these values at work. First, we (the facilitators) translated the lessons (computer language may sound too technical) in the simplest language understandable to the women. Second, we patiently instructed the women on the nitty-gritty of operating the software (even if we have to initially operate the computer on a "pindot" or one finger system of typing).
Thirdly, even if we have to shell out money from our own pockets just to be able to provide the women some food.

But the joy of it all comes when the women themselves are confident in navigating the cyberspace by themselves. I think this is just a glimpse of how this ICT training empower grassroots women (both young and maturing).

Kinari dance

2009-03-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

Sounds like "canary" dance. But it is actually a bird's dance. We attended a session facilitated by three Indian women named Shiva, Shatan (?) and Mina. They are from Kerala, India. they taught us this dance. Actually, it is more complicated than I thought. Initially, they taught the various finger movements, 28 in total but we only used two: partaka and hamsasya. We greeted each other and introduced our surroundings using those two finger movements. Partaka is just spreading the four fingers straight: small up to the index finger and clipping the thumb finger. The Hamsasya is touching of the thumb and the index finger (creating a circle) and the rest of the fingers pointing upwards. Then, we were taught the foot steps. The left foot in initially turning to the left and then the right foot stomped at the ankle of the right, as if introducing her next step which is to go in front of the left foot. In the end, we have to coordinate the finger and foot steps. Another fast beat was introduced, this time it seemed like we were doing the famous Aiza Seguerra dance when she was a child, moving the chin forward and backward while the foot put on heel forward and then stomped at the sides. Oh! we were perspiring doing these seemingly simple yet very confusing (?) dance steps. This dance was taught in recognition of Manora, a celestial maiden from Indian folklore. She was one of the stars that dropped on earth (a la Stardust) and they were bathing in a lake when suddenly people (men) sighted at them. They hurriedly fly, unfortunately, Manora was trapped because somebody hid her wings. That man became her husband...sad story (hehehe)

A Night with ANIDO

2009-03-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

We participated in a women's group activity where the UP ANIDO was our resource persons for the Indigenous Music and Dance station. "Anido" refers to gathering of people in the Cordillera communities around the fire where various stories are being shared mostly by the elders to the younger generation. The UP ANIDO is composed of young students from the Cordillera who are studying in Diliman. These young men (Oswold, Kim & Eddie) and women (Patricia, Estelle, Riza and Audrey) taught us the basic steps of Cordillera dance. It actually mimicked the movement/s of birds. So, one step was spreading the arms with the two thumbs up and moving the thumbs up and down; while the right foot stepped forward and the left foot brushed backwards. Another step was leaning toward the center, with left arm lower than the right and dragging the left foot towards the center. Most of our co-participants were foreign students.

Late in the evening, we had a sumptuous dinner at the Likha Diwa. Kim rendered the song "Ganduyan" (old name of Sagada). I learned from them that other municipalities were renamed by the colonizers based on what they heard, not the actual or real name of the place. Other old songs were rendered. I was in love with the melody but I cannot yet comprehend the meanings of those songs. When they asked me if I am also from the Cordillera, I replied, "wanna be a Cordilleran (hehehe)".

Dance Till You Heal

2009-02-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

We had a half-day dance therapy session with Denjie Bareira last Sunday. I never thought it could affect me deeply. Perhaps, I was not prepared to encounter the issue that I've been avoiding: child sexual abuse. It created that heavy cerebral pain that I know was brought about by the opening or perhaps dismantling of my guard. As far as I can remember, since my father's death in 1997, I never had a good cry. So, this time, the dance pre-activity enabled me to get in touched with my innermost feelings. I was still shy or ashamed to burst out in tears. I rushed to the comfort room and poured my heart out. I knew deep in my soul, the child sexual abuse must be addressed and I myself must participate actively in it. I need that move for my own healing purposes.

The room was not spacious enough to be able to create bigger movements. So, I let myself moved within my arms' radius. I was amazed that one of the participants, we calle her "dancing reverend" moved very ruggedly. I can't do that! (the hiphop dance) Another interesting move was the 8-shaped belly dancing. How I wish I can those moves every now and then. Of course, it's always up to me to give the material time for me to savor the pleasure of dancing (but at present I'd rather do the 'inner' dance)...

Women Positive Sites at UP Diliman

2009-01-28T15:06:00.000-08:00

In my twenty years of stay in this university I haven't been aware that there are women-positive sites till I saw this UP DGO brochure. Guess what? we have 17 women-positive sites at UP Diliman campus. Very interesting for me was that statue of a naked woman washing her hair at the UP checkpoint. Little did I know that it means washing away all prejudices and other biased perspectives because one will be entering a democratic and freedom loving university, one may not be able to experience that space if one is having a biased perspective. Another interesting historical site was that wall sculpture at the left side (right before the checkpoint). It depicts of two naked bodies, a man and woman, and the symbols of learning (books etc.) bordering their sides. This means that both men and women are equally capable of higher learning. One can also take a look at the recent scuplture at the Women's Studies Center named "dakila" (wisdom or great teacher). Perhaps, this is a quizzical image of a woman (fully dressed up and with an image of a sun emanating from its head) compared to the nude women sculptures at the entrance of the Faculty Center. Interesting contrasts. But one needs a women-sensitive mind to be able to decipher what makes one a work of art... For more women-positive sites, you can tour around UP and take a notebook and a pen and guess the other 14 sites I failed to mention here.

Training with Adoption Workers

2008-12-16T23:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was supposed to be a lull day but it was actually a challenging day for me because an international adoption organization requested us to train them on GS. There were seven men and nineteen women. I talked about sexuality, reproductive health and RA 9262. First, I introduced a game that sent us all into thrill of excitement and laughter. I let them group themselves into the kind of relationship they are into at present and answer the question: "Are you happy or not?" "Why or why not". So four groups emerged. Some admitted being single parents, unmarried. The all men group were all married. The biggest number were the married women. The last group were the "searchers" or the singles. The tittilating part was their answer to the next question. The all men group said: "masaya pa naman" (still happy). The married women seemed to be the happiest because of their big belly laughters. But at the end of their report they posed a bit, saying, "hindi naman kasi kayo ang pinipilit" (you (pointing to the men) were not being coerced). The single parents derived their happiness from their children. The searchers pointed to the group of married women and said "gusto naming maging ganyan" (in the future, they wanted to be like them). Wow! that goes the reality of women's lives: violence, hardships, pleasures and all...from there my discussions took me to sexuality, RH and VAWC...how I wish I could this kind of discussions over and over again...perhaps, in the future the "searchers" can have other choices (hehehe)...

Analysing Cases Using CEDAW

2008-12-16T23:23:00.000-08:00

We had a three-day workshop at Golden Prince Hotel in Cebu last week. This was the second time we studied CEDAW but it was only now that I realized how difficult it was for me to analyze a case using CEDAW framework. I had to review the different types of state obligations, the core content of the different elements of right (e.g. right to health (availability, quality, etc), what rights were violated and what are the mechanisms available for redress (legal and metalegal). No wonder I got perfect in the quiz because I have to remember all of those things before I can rewrite my initial version of the draft case. But I highly appreciate it that I learned this framework especially when we analyzed the case of a regional hospital which denied access for health service for a prostituted woman. I was also touched when a participant revealed that she had experienced the same (her daughter was denied access that led to the untimely death of her daughter). She narrated it in a very controlled manner but I can sensed how she loved her daughter and the crushing pain that her daughter's life ended that way. That pain was relieved when we had a night of Thai massage at a nearby spa (at P200). I hope next year, the office can possibly apply the same rigor with our VAWc cases.

echo-series of "women's empowerment" thru ICT

2008-11-23T20:25:00.000-08:00

we had finished two sessions of the echo series (though there was a twin brothers who joined us). i received yesterday fourteen emails from the participants and how thankful they were for the basic computer literacy training. i was so delighted because i too was not that literate in computer so i had to brush up in my readings re: short history of internet and other statistics to be able to begin my session on the internet. i let them composed their own g-mail addresses and send me a letter. what amazed me most was one of the participants was a 'hearing impaired' (young woman) and she was able to compose her own gmail(tagalog4@gmail.com) though i did not find a letter from her and the twin brother was not also levelled in their learning (one was more adept than the other). the two mothers (battered wives)-participants were also overjoyed and they want us to refer them to any kind of computer job that will help them augment their income. how i wish i can do that (job referral) but it takes a lot of networking and equipping of skills before one can be considered a computer worker. hope we can have another training (advanced) on computer. we were not able to take up e-commerce and e-data management because the entry skills of most participants were basic (though three of the young women were already well-versed in the internet; so we let them assist us with the other trainees). i too learned from this training because i am not yet knowledgeable with the excel program. i'm so thankful with this this amazing computer technology. i hope someday we can also provide these women a computer unit of their own.

Feminist Counseling at Work

2008-10-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

In my sharing of FC practice, I began with the issues I encountered in the counseling room, notably 'bipolar disorder', abortion, wife battering and sexual identity issues. These issues precisely define why FC is needed. But more than that, my take are the principles I believed in why I go into FC. First I knew that those frameworks I have learned from college were not empowering women. So, I read about Gilligan (a different voice), Jean Baker Miller (women's strengths) and Chodorow (relational qualities of women). These are the principles that I envisioned would be the core of FC. Aside from these, some instruments were already developed to measure women's empowerment like the FIDS (Feminist Identity Development Scale), the "Stages of Women's Awareness" (Judith Palmer) and the "The Feminine Cycle" (Joan Borysenko). Interestingly, Borysenko noted that unlike boys, girls developed both the right and left brain (for concrete operations and emotional intelligence) at ages 7-14. And the rest of her stages of 'feminine cycle' were empowering compared that made by Erik Erikson. The reactions to my presentation were significant: one participant was hesitant to approach a counseling room if she is not sure that the counselor is an FC, she admitted that she is a bisexual lesbian. Another participant shared her difficulties in counseling lesbians in violent relationship. So, I told her, one should also used the 'power' factor in a relationship and also rescue the 'batterer' in that relationship.

More importantly, I also shared the reasons why I prefer FC. Primarily because of the challenges posed by two significant people: one GC commented: "there is no such thing as FC!" and the keynote speaker below that I mentioned who is also at the topmost position in my profession. Oh I wish we can talk face-to-face and learn from each other why FC is more important for women more than any other framework. Despite all those obstacles, I wish all (probably rare and few) FCs more power and love in their life...

Sexist jokes at the Conference

2008-10-22T02:22:00.000-07:00

The last plenary speaker, a male, may not consciously knew it or may deliberately uttered those sexist jokes. But he must be held 'unaccountable' in whatever way to the damage he has done to the may women participants at the Conference. One joke was 'the woman (married) kept on studying that she neglected her husband; eventually the husband found another woman (mistress). Another repeated joke was 'being loveless' makes one a 'matandang dalaga' or a woman becameangry because she was 'loveless' for a long time. Though there are some 'truths' in his jokes, other 'truths' may be more liberating to women. Jokes when unconsciously absorbed become more detrimental than deliberate lectures.

Also, he presented a framework of counseling philosophy but never mentioned that "needs" are also created by one's context. That woman in his example (married woman who kept on studying) was also a product of her historical context that valued realtionship with a man as 'central' to her life. Pretty good if she was able to live without a man or neglect her husband because it contributed to getting a degree. But the speaker ended with a more disgusting comment: 'why is it that the woman realized too late that she wants her husband so badly that she had to get a degree to impress him'. Why can't the speaker realized that the woman acted on her own 'need' and not inspired by 'the husband'. The remark on 'matandang dalaga' was another assumption that a woman cannot choose to become a woman (alone) for the rest of her life. And that getting angry is part of being a human, not related to one's status (marital) in life. The speaker must also question his assimptions before concluding on women's choices.

My philosophy rests primarily on women's empowerment and I believed those sexist jokes is one of the processes that disempower women. It must be curtailed. Unfortunately, we were not given time to react. Though the president of the association interrupted him saying, "dalaga ako".

children's wisdom

2008-10-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

we conducted a validation yesterday regarding 'children exposed to violence in the homes'. it was wonderful to hear children elaborating, clarifying points and 'rejecting' adult interpretations of their life stories. these children ages ranged from nine to sixteen. one of the young participants articulated that she need not consider the material things that her father bestowed on them. she only weighed on the virtues that she learned from her mother and from the violence that she saw when her father inflicted pain on her mother. so, she eventually sided with her mother.

another wonderful moments with youth was yesterday when i conducted a sort of gender sensitivity training among young women survivors of violence at the RGS. i was delighted when one of them came up with the terms "ninakaw", "inagaw" and "binigay". these Filipino terms refer to the concept of virginity. the young woman elaborated that virginity (the physical hymen) can be lose either through the use of force or through one's choice. yes, truly children's wisdom abound. we need not look for various review of literature to explain what they think because the themselves can articulate it very well.i believed hearing children speak their voices can make adults, like me, reflect and realized that children and youths really know what they want in life. the 'soul' of children and youth are much more in them than we thought we have. they can really be good decisionmakers of their own lives, if we give them the time to speak and the space to realize what they want...

Why can't they call it sexual harassment?

2008-10-05T16:57:00.000-07:00

I attended an organization's GA yesterday. It was attended by about 36 active members and about 10 applicants. One of the agenda was to hear and vote on a case of sexual harassment. I was there together with another staff from another UP unit. The president presided the meeting. Then, he started with:"the EB decided that this case does not constitute sexual harassment". The whole GA was supposed to have read the case via e-group. And then the votation went on: "those who are in favor of the GA's resolution, raised their hands and those who want to abstain can abstain in the assumption that they have not read the case" (6 abstained, all men and mostly matured looking). The decision of the EB was upheld. Some protested for the 'reprimand' proposal, they went for a higher penalty which was suspension. The member argued: "we had a case of violation of the 'leave no trace' pithaya principle and he was expelled, why can't we expel this one". Another said:"There was also a case of 'eating guavas' and that member too met a stiff penalty". A woman member was still asking "has this been proven (SH)?"What infuriated me was the reiteration of the president "the EB decided that this does not constitute a case of sexual harassment." Why can't they name it SH?

Earlier before the meeting, we talked with their EB-lawyer. She said the three elements of SH must be fulfilled before it can be regarded as an SH case. Then, she remarked that perpetrator was not anymore under the jurisdiction of the law because he is already an alumni. We insisted that the case fell under number 3 element (the victim's feelings of being humiliated, etc.) and it was an "or" clause, not. She said having interviewed other members who were present during the applicants' party, only the version of the complainant was 'unique'. She said, the complainant narrated she was boxed in by the harasser. But based on the others' testimonies, the man was sitting beside the girl. Later, we learned from the EB, that the girl even hugged the man prior to the SH incident.

I told them the continuum of abuse in any sexual harassment case must be looked it. Yes, it was true the girl hugged the man prior to the SH because it was a friendly gesture and she did not feel anything wrong about that. Perhaps, it showed that she was not thinking of anything ill about the man. That gesture must be appreciated. But when did she feel sexually harassed? It was when the man mashed her breasts and her back. She was resisting mentally during taht time but cannot react because she was still feeling her way (as one can see she hugged the man earlier but did not feel any violation, but at this point she felt there was something wrong but cannot yet name it). So,when somebody asked her 'binabastos ka ba'? She even said, "matagal na" (perhps with reference to the text messages he sent him way back when). This question affirmed her initial feelings. This somebody who pinned down the man on the wall allowed her to name her feelings (the EB said she was ranting afterwards).

Yes, the organization was surely right in pinpointing that aggressive act of 'pinning down' another person on the wall was a violation of the 'pithaya' principle. But did they not see the act of the man (SH) prior to the aggressive reaction of another man? The EB told me,"meron na pong galit yung isang lalaki dun sa isang lalaki" (the two had an initial conflict).

The feelings of the girl were resistance on her part. It was clearly voiced out through the help of another man (the one who pinned down the harasser) . All of the parties in the complaint were inebriated at some levels. But this state of body/mind also helped the girl to be more in tuned with her feelings (in a way allowed her not to be inhibited). The harasser was also under that state of intoxication and perhaps he too was 'aroused' (in that inebriated state). (Perhaps...) But all those psychological states need not intervene to let us see (outsiders looking in) that the mashing of the breasts and face-to-face talking with the girl constitute acts of sexual harassment (added to that the earlier versions of text messages amounting to verbal sexual harassment---e.g. "sana next time na malasing tayo ay mangyaring 'kababalaghan'; and "nakahawak ka na ba ng 'balls'). Nobody can attest to the acts; no one had uttered they had seen it; only the girl testified for her part of the truth.

I was there to appreciate the organization's process. But I realized an 'impartial' body is needed to see the case for what truly it is. The culture of 'a party' clearly allowed those 'friendly banters' and 'inappropriate acts' to happen. It so happened that a girl was harmed psychologically and emotionally (abuse of personal space). If the organization truly upholds the pithaya principles, perhaps they can see that the 'the essential is not always visible to the eyes'. The aggressiveness is a very visible thing to look at as violation of another's space. But SH is more of psychological transgression that only a victim can sufficedly identify.

I hope justice will illumine the organization and that the girl's aspirations to become a mountain lover will not be compromised nor undermined because the girl was braved enough to stand her ground (the harasser was not present during the GA).

"Lingkod-Aral"

2008-09-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

This is a truly commendable activity of the department of psychology. Five of their students volunteered to "develop the social skills" of four of my children counselees (ages 7-9; three boys and a girl). We started with physical activities such as games (e.g. "stop/go") and then move to mental mathematics (e.g. solving simple arithmetics) and in the afternoon, we watched two clips of "Hiraya Manawari" (e.g. "Imbisibol" and another one). I was fortunate to join the "games" part so I was physically tired doing "habol" to the kids. Actually, one of the kids went home and we were alarmed (but later he showed up; he brought his gun pellet toy with him). Also, I joined them in watching the children's tapes. I was not able to join them in their group discussions because I have to go to Laguna. Hope I can join them till the end. But some aggressive acts made by the elder child made the rethink if they can finish the volunteer work with the children. These children were exposed to domestic violence and now suffering from 'violent' acts of the mother. I cannot possibly by now predict what would become of the children but the red flags are up that they too can become aggressive. As to how we could curtail those behaviors, I will update later on...

MindBody Medicine

2008-09-24T23:16:00.000-07:00

I attended this morning a lecture on "MindBody Medicine" by Dr. David Spiegel of the Stanford University. Three things I learned, aside from an exercise of self-hypnosis which made me aware of an issue that is not within my awareness at present. First, he said that "chronic" illness is different from terminal illness. That patients must be active participants in their healing process. For instance, a cancer patient does not necessarily die from the cancer cells but from other illness such as depression and other complications. Second, one should be more watchful of a "recovering" depressed person because she or he has more energy to go back to that former state of depression. Third, that when you talk with them let them see the different perspectives of the problem (life perspective approach). Fourth, that one way to manage bipolars is to let them manage their thinking. That can be done by teaching them how to do self-hypnosis.

Dr. Spiegel noted that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis because it pertains to highly focused attention. What surprised me even more was the result when he gave us a simple self-hypnosis exercise called "screening technique". He asked us to look up the ceiling and while looking up slowly close one's eyes and then he asked us to imagine that we are floating either in space or in a favorite place we want to be. Then, at the right side of the screen, we will imagine the person or the event or the thing that makes us stress. Suddenly, I saw our present coordinator. I was also shocked that she was causing a stress in my life. Then, we were instructed that at the right scree we can imagine how to address the left side of the screen. The image even surprised me more, I was also a little bit anxious about it. I saw swirling clouds that means imminent "typhoon" so what I did was to place my hands on the white sand. Then, we were instructed to look up again the ceiling and go back to our present reality at the count of three. I do want to interpret on the images that I saw... I would rather conduct a ritual to bury it or bless it to make that negative energy into a positive one...hope I will succeed.

Paper-cutting

2008-09-22T16:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had a paper-cutting workshop and it was a success! despite the odds (those who initiated to have it did not attend the workshop)... I produced only two designs, one circular and another vertical. I was inspired to compose this workshop because a friend of mine, Bobby, designed my counseling room (see right side picture). I just told him I want a bamboo and a sun design. I did not know that the bamboo means "wisdom" or truth and of course the sun means "light" (perfect for my blog title). At the left end of the room, Bobby designed the 'yin-yang' and at the center is his rendition of the UP DGO logo. Wow! Any body who visits my room does not fail to appreciate it. Next time around when I have explored my skills in paper cutting I will show you my designs. I love to produce a lotus flower in a pond or perhaps "tweety the birdie" (may be it will take me a year to figure out how to cut it). One needs only two things to do paper-cuttings: a small and sharp scissor and plenty of colorful Japanese papers (P19 for 10 pieces). You too could try to explore your skill in paper cutting. And you know what? You can use it to decorate your lanterns, to wrap your candies, of course to create a festive atmosphere of your room and other things that will spice up your life...

Taichi forms

2008-09-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

This is my third attempt at learning taichi. My past attempts proved to be futile because the teacher just let us imitate the moves or forms without breaking it down to small segments. Now, our teacher is more compassionate. She spends time breaking down a form into various sequences; thus, I learned the forms through persistent practice. Another realization was to see both the big and small picture of everything. Once one learns the details of a certain phenomenon, it is better to view it from a bigger lens or picture to be able to appreciate its meaning or context. But when I compared taichi with shibashi, I realized that the latter is easier to learn and I pray while doing it. Whereas while doing tai-chi I felt like "perfecting" every move at the expense of praying. I understand life more while doing shibashi, but with taichi, it was more like mastering the coordination of the limbs and memorizing every move. I hope that after "perfecting" the 24 moves, I can appreciate what taichi means to me, personally...

Mandala-making

2008-09-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

I watched a documentary film of an American Indian healer who uses mandala-making as a healing tool. He searched the Grand Canyon for different shades of colors of sands and stones and gather these to serve as his material for his mandala-healing. When he faces his "patients", he initially pray and then start making a mandala for the patient. Then, he interprets the mandala including the way the patient would heal himself or herself. After that, he deconstruct or dissipate that structure (mandala).

Yesterday night, I attended a session on how to make one's mandala. We were just instructed to write positive words on the circular template. I chose to use three colors: orange, green and blue and start with the word "respect". That word served as a trigger word. I realized that orange stands for respect for one's boundaries, one's self, one's sexuality; green stands for respect for the environment including all the creations above, below it, including also the respect for the womb environment; blue stands for respect for countries, for world peace, for efforts to develop one's countries...I was enjoying it because it feels to me like a prayer and a processing of my own issues and the issues of the women's movement and the whole world...(I came up with a very "cute" mandala according to one of the participants.) I realized, yes! it was really a healing process for me. I was elaborating on the self, the other particularly the women and the world at large. I viewed peace as peace that is deliberately created by the self towards radiating peace for the others, for the world, including those we cannot see with our eyes, the other dimensions; including the womb environment of women...we cannot dictate upon women what to do with their wombs...

as for me, i did not dissipate my first mandala, i intend to mount it in a beautiful frame because i wanted to realize my goals as a human being, as a woman and as a citizen and spiritual being: respect for myself, for others and for the whole world, including all creations, above and below, tangible and intangible...so be it.

Poetry-making and feminist spirituality

2008-09-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

That life is similar to poetry-making or "autopoesis" is a metaphor I was so jubilant to hear yesterday. I attended a short lecture on "living in wholeness" where my collegue Luchie was the speaker. Yes! I was affirming her that really life is like making meanings through poetry: short, meaningful, full of metaphors and yet it carries you at a point of ecstasy after reading the whole verse. Emily Dickinson puts it in a more succinct form: "life is so startling that there's no room or minute left to think about it (something to that effect)". I was thinking in what way did Luchie incorporate feminism and spirituality in her talk. She never mentioned those concepts but these two concepts overwhelmed the whole presentation (in my own interpretation, of course). She was defining the "self" as a living organism capable of forming, dissipating and transforming itself. More than anything else, I was struck with the concept of a very strong agency or self but in the end this agency "chose" to dissipate and be one with the the others (social). Perhaps, that sounds contradictory to the eastern perspective and the western perspective would nod to it. Yes, Luchie's framework is a meeting between east and west. She however does not name it feminism and spirituality in its specifity. But from my own vantage point, I believe that making a strong agential self is what feminism is all about. The woman is capable of creating herself: know her own oppressed situation and rise from it. Maybe, that was something 'western', very individualist point of view but is it also liberating. What was 'eastern' about the framework was the concept of 'dissipating structures'. The Muslims believe in it when they say "believers must surrender to Allah". The Buddhists also believe in it when they say 'life is making a no-mind at all'. The Christians also harp about it when they say we must sacrifice for the sake of the common good. Ah, that is plain and simple spirituality: the merging into the uiversal mind/self or what is termed "turiya". Lastly, as a counselor I may say it is containing all these contradictions in life and dissipating what is not "constructive" for oneself then creating a consciousness that was not significant in creating the problem (so as Einstein suggested) in the first place which is a key to healing. That 'new consciousness' I believe is what I would like to claim as 'feminist spirituality'.

What it takes to love

2008-08-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

I was reading a past article titled "dharma of relationships". I realized it really takes two to succeed in a relationship. It's worth noting that the concept of romantic love pertains to something like spiritual love 'personified' in the 'beloved'. So, if one projects the 'ecstasy' of having a romantic partner, it actually or essentially pertains to a longing for a more fulfilling or 'spiritual' love. Three models of a relationship were noted: one is two egos satisfying each self in a relationship, another is two egos plus love at the center of a relationship and the last one is loving for the sake of love. Perhaps most of us can relate with the the first model. That of two equal persons sharing 'mutual' love. But the politics of this is when one of the partners is not satisfied with the relationship and then decided eventually to separate. The second model is an ideal of sort. We can find this among couples who see a God or something spiritual in between them. This 'being' or guide is the one guiding the relationship. So anything which happens in the relationship will be attributed to the will of 'heaven'. The last model can only exist, I believe, as of this time, in our creative imagination. It speaks of individuals who go into a relationships with the purpose of growth (in all aspects) of each 'other'. I say it is not yet happening because most of us believe in the concept of romantic love where one or both are swept under their feet by that feeling of 'falling in love'. Thus, in the course of their relationships, each partner is stripped off of her/his 'true' colors which the other might found wanting. So, the reason of staying in the relationship to let each other grow in all aspects of being may be far out...there goes my and most of our frustrations...

Disempowering the Disempowered

2008-08-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

8.08.08 was supposed to be a 'great' day. Not in our case. I attended to the needs of a young woman who was battered by an uncle. We went to the Infirmary hoping that she could access free medical services to support her case. Nope! every step of the way, we have to pay a corresponding sum. Even for a single mefanamic medicines which have been given for free has to paid! The worst came when we have to ask for a medico-legal certificate from a "national" something hospital. Guess what? The woman has to be exposed once again to an x-ray which she has just recently underwent an hour ago because the present doctor cannot "read" the x-ray film of the first health unit. I did not accede to that request because the woman is breastfeeding her child. As a hindsight, I was thinking what could have been the proper time "empowering" interventions should have been done. The woman told me that their barangay captain even requested her to deny that her abuser was present or can still be found in the area so they can have some sum from the congresswoman. Another incident of dis-empowerment was when a female doctor even asked: "nakipagbugbugan ka ba?" Whew! i coould almost feel my tears rolling down for this woman. How can this insensitivity abound in places where they are supposed to heal and cure patients? The last incident was when we asked once again from a national hospital for the same medico-legal certificate. The female doctor also proudly said: we cannot possibly give you that because it was almost a week since the incident. That was my breaking I told the woman, "we better find another option..." As i was riding on a jeep, I cannot contain anymore my tears. I thought these women mustered their courage and overcame their poverty and everything just to say "I was abused!" but nobody wants to give her a single piece of paper which she can possibly hold on to file a case against her abuser. What about those who were abused way back several years and only now that they have come out to say they were abused? How can they access justice and healing? Yes, my heart still pulsates...I know I have a very long journey to walk or run perhaps to be able to change this kind of thinking...

"Boses" (Voices)

2008-08-04T16:51:00.000-07:00

My women friends invited me to a premier showing of a cinemalaya film. Actually, I knew beforehand that a male friend was involved in that film. So, without knowing the storyline, i already guessed that it was about children and music because those two things are dear to his heart. When the movie opened, the first scene already struck me. The father was being interrogated as to whereabouts of his own child (boy). My heart was pounding when the camera drew close to a sort of cabinet. And that was the beginning of engagement in the movie. Goose bumps arose when I saw pockets of cigarette burns on the boy's back and skin. He was delivered to a shelter where he met a supportive friend (girl) and a bully (boy). The friendship developed while the bullying intensified. Audiences at my back (students) made fun of the friendship by turning it into some sort of 'puppy' love; so they twittered as the scenes of 'getting to know you' were shown. Perhaps, i surmised they just do'nt want to feel sad for the boy. Onyok, the boy's name, was mute. He suffered from throat trauma because something was forced to it (according to the film). I guessed it is more of psychological trauma than physical (insertion of something). Remember that the boy always hide inside the cabinet whenever his father got angry and looked for him. The fact that one has to suppressed one's tears and even any sound coming from the mouth and nose will surely caused 'trauma' to the organs. Another thing that seemed 'wrong' about the plot was when the father was able to visit the child in the shelter. This is a 'no-no' among shelters especially the father was the abuser. The shelter and the administrative office are usually separated (geographically). Though i gave it a benefit of the doubt. The movie was so moving that I was also in tears while watching it, from the beginning up to the end. What I missed or the movie missed was the point when the father really underwent a 'real' change. Of course, it showed that the father persistently visited the boy in the shelter. But outside of that, no scene of how 'internally' he acquired that mode for change was depicted. Though the movie excellently depicted the boy's memories of how he was abused by the father and how he was able to differentiate a 'good' and 'abusive' touch. The role of Ariel, the crazy man, was terrific. When the boy and Ariel performed duo in violin, it was heavenly! The scenes on Ariel and his former deceased wife were neatly woven, i love it! The movie's contribution, i believe, is its alternative imagining of a father's role. Perhaps, it is a long journey for most abusive fathers i knew...but it's worth the try (though the movie failed to show how the father arrived at the point in his life).

A second look at women's dynamics

2008-08-02T01:27:00.000-07:00

The first time i witnessed a group of women fight each other (literally hitting each other) was in 1995. This time the same situation arose between my co-workers. I was unable to do anything to stop one from hurting the other (though verbally). So, what i did was to listen to the one left behind. The next day, i also talked with other women in the office who witnessed the verbal infightings. The following day, I spent some time with one of them, threshing out the roots of their conflict. Funny, because it was not due to 'negative past encounters'. It was more of an emotional thing: one rejects the other in their first encounter. Then, I also spent some time with the other party. The other woman was pointing to 'professionalism' and 'ethics' as issues sans the emotional thing. Between them, the latter was more straightforward in saying what she feels. the former was more of the 'demure' type or one who does not show her feelings publicly. Afterwhich, yesterday we had a meeting (formal one) among us. i was at the middle. guess what happened? i was so afraid that the meeting would never take off because of the contention if it must be taped or not. Of course, just to let the meeting proceed, we did not tape it. For the simple reason that one wants to bring home the tape and transcribe it (using the term 'professional transcribers). Fortunately, the other party gave in. So, she did not respond violently to the following remarks: "I am pulling ranks"; "I am the coordinator, I will the parameters; if you don't want to obey, you can consider your options". I never imagined hearing those threats from a woman leader. I tried to resist the urge of arguing because I knew that was not our goal. Our goal was to move the unit forward so that we can proceed with our job or service to other women. If we will argue with her, it will hamper our day-to-day operations. So, at the close of the meeting, we produced SOPs of doing things. A second look at this kind of women-to-women dynamics also bring me to a deja vu because this was the same dynamics that I faced then; but now, I knew enough: 'quitting' the post is not a sustainable solution to the 'power' problem. It pays to stay and strategize of how the surface the 'truth' or wisdom of leading people, particularly women, in a more creative, open, and expansive ways. Kudos to both of us and may the Force of truth be with us and for those who dare to imagine different ways of handling 'normative' lifework like running a group of women...

Two Different Gatherings

2008-07-28T23:37:00.000-07:00

I was at the Capitol estates area in Commonwealth listening to the speeches of progressive groups during the SONA. I walked past over the bridge leading to Sandiganbayan. I also walked up the overpass and guessed what I saw? Planks of military men in different uniforms (light blue, dark blue, all black, dotted, etc). And when I gazed at the street leading to Congress, not even a single activist was there marching on the streets. The military was very successful in controlling and cordoning the masses. But the distance between the masses, the military and Gloria speaks of how far this government is from the people. Hope Gloria rethinks her position of using the military to the hilt just to extend her term...

Contrast this with another gathering that I attended today. Lots of students converged to learn about the Japanese culture: sushi, kimono, ikebana, calligraphy. There was also an alibata session at the sides. People were so happy learning and sharing about each others' culture. i found out that my name means "elegant" and that the ikebana arrangement must always reflect a 'triangle' shape; as to why, I can only surmised that it is a more stable shape. Another observation I had was the expansiveness principle of Japanese flower arrangement. It creates a sense of openness and welcoming spirit to anyone who sees the flowers. Perhaps, our leaders can learn something from these two different gatherings; though they may be of different nature-- at least it tells us that the more the spaces are open for participation, the more creative people can become. And life becomes more meaningful for both the 'leaders' (facilitators) and the 'led' (participants)...

Men's Realities

2008-07-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

We had a three-hour GST at the Ipil dorm. About 30-50 young men attended this late night session. Three intriguing questions cropped up that made me realised there were realities uniquely from men's perspective. First, one young man observed that it was "fair" to debar Nancy Navalta from joining the women's run since she is a hermaphrodite. Another added it may be due to the hormonal secretions that made Navalta a more advantaged player compared to other women athletes. While their observations may present 'half-truths', the fact that Nancy was raised as a woman should have qualified her to run for the women's division (since there was also no competition level for 'transgendered' people). So, it must have been unfair for Nancy to be barred from the sports competition. Second observation was in a man-man intercourse, the penetrated might be the one who is exploiting the penetrator. This is in the context of rape. The law on rape stated that the penetrator is guilty of the crime, so this only pertains to women's rape. Men's rape is another reality that must be exposed. But nobody wants to stand up and point out that "hey, we men are also vulnerable to sodomy" which is a crime in Muslim countries. Third observation was about sexual harassment. A graduate student asked if sexual harassment that happened not in educational or work setting can be considered as such. We had a case where the professor invited his student to a party where the student was introduced as his boyfriend ( a lie). Will this incident constitute an SH case? Of course! but the excludes such setting. Another recent incident was when a first year woman was sexually harrased by her co-passenger in a Katipunan jeep plying from UP to Katipunan. Will this also constitute an SH case? The fact that the harasser is non-UP excludes it from the law; another fact is that it involves verbal abuse ( a less grave act). So, our recourse was to file it under Child Abuse law. But if the law covers even public harassment, all those incidents of gender violence maybe easily filed. It is high time the law must be expanded or redefined, for the sake of all genders.

A Day of Revelations

2008-07-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was something special for our friend and 'boss' Sario and for me: it was a day of revelations! It was my first time to hear about the "alims" of Ifugao. Alim, according to Sario, is a ritual sang by all-male singers/chanters to heal a sick member of the community and for 'wooing' a woman. It depicts the story of a husband (name of whom I forgot) and his wife, 'bugan'. That name sounds familiar because it was the character played by Ai-ai in 'Kapitan Kidlat' TV series. So, Bugan wanted to separate from her husband which the latter resisted so much because he love her very much. So, to his dismay he went on a head-hunting streak (popular during those times) to vent out his anger. Another version of this is he chopped the grasses in Bugan's garden. What interest me most was Bugan connived with her mother-in-law to be able to separate from her husband. and it took her eight separations or partners before she succeeded in having a child. That was sexual freedom during those times! Ifugao women can separate from their husbands and found another family or partner. The husbands do not also engage in finding other wives (in their local places because they can be traced and punished) but visited lots of places to have sex with 'kabulean' (prostituted women). Perhaps, they were freer during those times. Another interesting aspect is there were several men who were dressed up in women's clothes and danced like women (transgendered). If these rituals depict the context of their times, truly, women were a lot freer to choose their partners and men have also choices like being transgendered people. Then, i looked up the meaning of "alim" in my Arabic book. Its says, one can become an "alim" if she or he has no more secrets in his/her hearts and soul. Thus, he or she becomes a luminous being. So, those rituals perhaps if the origin of the word is Arabic may truly depict the secret yearnings of both men and women to have choices in terms of choosing their identities or sexualities. And it is a continuous process that rendered Bugan eight or nine times of separations before she was able to find a 'right' partner to bear a child. Or the man in turn shifted from being a violent man to a gentle dancer and found that transformation more humane (just speculating). Hearing those community rituals makes me think that ideologies which are embedded in oral traditions can easily be changed just by mere rendering of various versions of the story. And here media can do a lot in transforming our society's binary treatment of sexuality. As my colleague whispered, "Prescy, your idea of sexuality as expression of creativity is historically-based". If I may add, indeed the highest force/form of creativity is our expressions of sexualities.

Dynamic Meditation

2008-07-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

At the Gender Office, we held a three hour session titled 'dynamic meditation'. Wow! it was really a revelation that there is such a thing as dynamic or moving meditation (of course, aside from the one that I was doing: running while meditating). We did a five-step thing that I thought were usual rooutines for some people but done in an exaggerated manner. First, we exhaled vigorously for 10 minutes using our nose/s. Second, we jumped with the heels touching the ground, while saying the word "Ho" (also for 10 minutes). Then, we contorted our faces while saying 'things greek to us' (like a little theater exercise. Then, we meditated (at last!) in a standing position (which I can't help but sleep). After that, we danced in different beats. All those exercises were back-upped with different sounds and music. The session wrapped up with some insights from the participants. My take was the same nauseous things came out of my nose and mouth (it was like my regression session 10 years ago) sans the tears. I thought these are the residual 'bad things' of the past memories. As I was doing those exercises, I was thinking still that these are good exercises for the kids and a useful and safety way of releasing tensions and other 'stuck' energies in the body. And late in the evening we did some drumming. Initially I enjoyed it but the loudness of the beating of other big drums led me to conclude that I would rather do those moving meditations I mentioned earlier. Hope we can offer these things to the women and children especially...

Crying Times and into the Circle of Love

2008-06-27T19:37:00.000-07:00

As I was crossing the EDSA-east avenue pedestrian, I saw this boy carrying two bagful of garbage. Then, a bag suddenly fell and garbages rolled off the streets. So, I slowly picked up each flattened plastic bottles and returned it to him. Lo and behold! He looked into my eyes and said, "salamat po!". I can't helped it, tears rolled down my cheeks. I thought for a long time that I had this flat emotions but I was surprised that I can still empathized with real life situations. Then, while commuting, a text message also touched my heart, "elma (encio) passed away this morning at 7:10am". Elma was a good friend of mine. I used to visit her to buy something from her "tindahan ni Ate". She died of cancer of the uterus. But I was also thankful and she already overcame this physical pain. What I remembered from her was her concept of 'love for humanity'. Despite her condition, she served the Movement half of her lifetime. Also, she never thought that her physical dis-ability (hunchback) might be an impediment in pursuing a 'romantic' love. In her lifetime, she had experienced a 'true love' and never thought it was impossible (despite her physical deformity). I too believe in the greatness of love but more than the 'romantic' notion of love, I treat every moment of my life as loving life; thus, there is no demarcation between 'romantic' or any other kind of love. Everything is love. As Rumi would say, "out from the circle of time, into the circle of love". Farewell, elms and congratulations because you are now traveling again into the circle of love...

RunningMeditation

2008-06-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

I was a little bit hesitant to use this blogname but eventually I understood there was really no accidents in life. While I was doing a round in UP oval, I was always asking myself about existential questions. It all started when I asked myself, "why do I personally believ in God". While running, I was amazed to find three significant answers regarding that question. First, it dawned on me that that the great expanse of the blue skies is really welcoming me to appreciate its vastness; then, I smelled the bitterness and sweetness of grass among other smells; I looked up the trees and I saw its wide stems and branches as if embracing the skies. I also heard the birds chirping and of course, the ants were all over the grasses. "Ahh", I said, "really God is so great that s/he enabled me to enjoy all these things for free!". Then, i looked into my self. Again, I realized the gifts that I have up to these days also come from the Great Creator. Up to now, I was so ungrateful not to thank him/her for those. And last, I thought about death. It was a mystery to me. But on second thought, I believe we await its coming because it is also one proof that there is something beyond us, the living Earth. Then, when I had a counselee in the afternoon, it was a serendipitous question that she asked: "why do I have to believe in God?"

Discrimination et.al

2008-05-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

We had a one-week training with the university personnel. I was shocked with the issues I heard particularly with regards to the workers at the food service. I love to eat at the UFS, i often buy arroz caldo and tokwa because they serve them hot and crispy. But woes befall them when they heard that the administration will eventually close the UFS for a "better" food service. This "rumor" is becoming real with the number of workers in the UFS being reduced from 130+ to only 30. Though still surviving, many of them now are doing nothing on the job because they have no more budget to buy for food supplies. My heart was bleeding while listening to them. "ahh, I thought my campus is the freest in the country but obviously with those actions they are bleeding their workers to death." If I could only tell them the blatant truth: truly privatization has already seeped in the university. They are using this 'bleed them dry' tactic to eliminate the "excess" workers. Another issue that touched me was the story of a pregnant single mother. She was deprived of her right for a maternity benefit for the simple reason that she intends to keep and raise her baby alone. Another woman related that she worked for 45 years in the university, but up to these times she had not received any commendation (loyalty award) from the job. Whew!!! I never thought officials in the universal could be that cruel! How much more in other universities which do not label themselves progressives. Perhaps, we can do something about these different forms of discrimination. Unfortunately, the union itself is divided and crippled with its own issue of "divisiveness". Perhaps, some re-thinking and grounding must be done to help solve those problems: we cannot remain silent and compromise our position primarily because work is an expression of life and love. Not finding ourselves in our work can only mean "death". What can we give to our country and how can we extol our humanity if we are just living "deathly lives".

I am a strawberry pocky!

2008-05-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

what flavor pocky are you?

[c] sugardew

2008-05-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

I never thought visiting blogs can be that enjoyable. I loved that kind of cross-country visits like that of simple-mom's blog on "taking-off one's shoes" before entering another home. She comes from Kosovo and yet that same practice happens almost in every Asian country, including the Philippines. I also visited "doy cinco's discourses on the use of the English language. He argued that most Asian countries which are now ahead of us (in development) did not make English their medium of communication in school or government. Another interesting blog is that of an intimate friend who narrated, blow-by-blow, her experience of finishing a 42K run. How I wish I was there to congratulate her. Other blogs that I nominated were interesting in their lay-out and color choices like that of Sanrio, the greens in theroserambler really attracts me and the scenic spots of Sagada held my breath...wow!

Hope i can combine those features of good writing, balance and attractive lay-out and a firm political stance on issues.

My Top Ten Bloggers for 2008

2008-05-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

This is my entry to the top "Top 10 Emerging Blog of 2008"
1.on running and happiness
-a blow-by-blow account of a first time marathoner: thrilling!

2. pinoymountaineer
-perfect guide for first time travelers to Sagada especially the gallery site!

3. welcome to my world
-picturesque and pleasing to the eyes

4. mga diskurso ni doy
- written in the vernacular, talks about developmental issues particularly the use o the English language and development

5. blog ni inday!
- i love this one! full of Filipinoy-jokes

6. the wisdom journal
- if one wants to be a leader, one can truly gather wisdom from the writer

7. the rose garden rambler
- full of greens! if one wants to learn more about flora and fauna

8. simple mom
- her cultural approach in writing really invites me to come and read her articles plus homey pictures

9. only in the philippines!
- political commentaries on presentday issues

10. sanrio town
- this is click for girls and girls at heart! the big spaces in between pictures and words is comforting to the eyes!

Test of Patience

2008-05-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

Malu was right. I was becoming so impatient waiting for an email from our woman speaker. Thus, I ate my lunch minutes earlier to dissipate my "impatience". Hope i can come up with lots of tips besides "praying" and eating while waiting for the computer to work.

Very Interesting topics and speakers!

2008-05-19T23:52:00.000-07:00

We have two contrasting set of male speakers for today: the first set are lawyers and a community health doctor. Personally, I found one of the speakers as "theoretical" because he was trying to convince us that exploitation/abuse only happens with minors and with contact sex. The other I loved and enjoyed especially because he speaks in very fluent Filipino and a very firm stance on women's issues.

at last! i created my own blog

2008-05-19T00:22:00.000-07:00

I always thought that blogging is a waste of time primarily because i am not fond of writing. I just love to move, to paint and teach but not writing. But this time, for the past 6 hours, I was given the space and time to appreciate this kind of mental activity. Hope I can always be this enthusiastic and sustain this blogspot.

Anyway, the title of my blog seems strange. Actually it is a combination of two female names (one greek and one islamic in origins). Perhaps, I will be delving on this issue of women, of women's dilemma ("that sounds greek to me') and of women in "shrouds" or "prisons" (not literally metal bars).