Nationalism...where, from here?

I was a student of Development Studies way back in the '80's. After more than 20 years of struggling to contribute something for my country's development, I am still disheartened that the same 'systemic' problems persist: 'dependency', violence, poverty, among others. At this point in my life, I am still searching for paths that would allow me to contribute to the upliftment of my fellow Filipinos. Thus, I enrolled in this peace studies. True enough, I have attained a wider perspective in seeing the problem of 'underdevelopment'. Now, I understood it better from the point of view of class dynamics, from 'dependency' theories and from the perspective of international relations. But it made the task more daunting.

Now, I am quite sure that nationalism has something to do with it. I was touched when a classmate of mine said, "maybe Filipinos do not claim their country enough that they are willing to do something to contribute to its development". I must say, "enough" must not be the word instead "one passion" for one's country must be cultivated so much so that it can not be easily eroded in time. Of course, colonialism has been running in our history for more than four centuries now (and perhaps, in our blood) that saying it must be supplanted with nationalism is easily said than done. How to go about conceptualizing nationalism in this time of globalization proved to be a much harder task.

But I know that being born in this piece of island called 'Philippines', being raised with this kind of people and context allows me to claim something that I felt more like 'power of identity'. I believe nationalism must take off from here: this identification to one's land and one's people and that desire to see them develop holistically in the years to come must be the single passion of both the leaders and the led. How to initiate and sustain this desire is the more difficult process to start with...

Abortion in the Philippines

The Philippines is hitting half million induced abortions since 2005. Why? because of sheer lack of reproductive choices. GMA is hell bent on implementing the NFP policy. Cory had sealed the unconstitutionality of abortion in her 1987 Freedom Constitution. Only Ramos had managed to put in substance to the RH concerns of the women by defining the Ten Elements of RH and one of them is the PMAC policy which up to now meet rough sailing in government hospitals.

The Roman Catholic is worst. It construed conception as starting from the meeting of the sperm and egg. St. Augustine and Aquinas were not even sure when is the start of hominization of humans but our great bishops were very confirmed on their stance. Whereas the medical field says that conception starts upon fertilization or when the zygote had been formed. Morowitz & Trefil even said that formation of cerebral cortex which at the last term of pregnancy was the likely start of being human (capable of acting as a unit or as a person).

This belief in the beginning of humanity or being human is very crucial in the debate because the RC offer no exceptions in case of abortion: whether you were raped, or there was a threat to your health, or there was fetal impairment. No woman is exempted: a woman who aborts a fetus is a criminal, "worse than a murderer" says our parish priest.

Thus, the realpolitik of the abortion debate is being molded primarily by the Church, not the presidency, not the legislative or the judiciary.

So what is the chance of passing a law on comprehensive RH? Perhaps, it would not come in our lifetime. But changing the 1987 Constitution by striking this Art 2, Sec 12 on the "right of the unborn" might be the first step...

Why Gender and Peace Building?

As a woman who longed to live in a peaceful society, as a sister, an aunt and counselor who wants to protect my nieces and nephews and my counselees and as a human being who knows that peace is possible...These are the simple reasons why I want to pursue a gender and peace building course. One really takes off from one's personal stake in the process.

Of course, there are bigger issues such as less visibility and non-recognition of women in the peace process, lack of support and other nurturance to make women peacebuilders in her own society, non-recognition of gender issues in peace and human rights advocacies, women takes on secondary role in interfaith dialogues, and non-visibility of women in the peace zones.

With those issues, there are needs of women that must be addressed such as: women's overall empowerment with mentoring and training, highlighting what women contribute to the peace process, more links among women's groups and the overall peace movement, women also need self-healing and re-conceptualization of peace and security, and women must be able to share their perspectives and processes in creating a just, diverse, peaceful and free society that co-exists and co-regenerates with nature.

LGBT as a new social movement

This forms part of my report on "women's rights" subject. I intend to tackle how the LGBTs as sexual identities become politicized and was moved into collective actions by using Edelman's concepts of political opportunities, mobilizing structures and framing processes. Various social institutions have different takes on sexuality. The religious institution promotes "procreational ideology", that is sexuality can only done through marriage, with the goal of having children. Thus, it also exalts abstinence from sexual pleasures as virtuous. Now, the Church has been polarizing the presidentiables into "pro-RH bill" and "anti-RH bill". On the the other hand, with the people earning more than enough money, some of them engage in extramarital affairs and even in same-gender sex. Also, with it comes the commodification of goods, even of sexual images and gratification. Another institution, the family, teaches children how to become masculine and feminine. The concept of love, marriage and sex is also taught in this institution. But during the '70s, with the "flower power" revolution, sex was delinked from love and marriage. So, it becomes permissible; so as with same-gender sex.

Moreover, the medical institution also medicalize sexuality. Before 1973, it regards homosexuality as a an 'abnormality'. But after that, the APA delist homosexuality from the list of abnormal disorders. The law, on the other hand, seeks to control sexual behaviors by regarding it as 'illegal' (e.g. rape, exhibitionism, etc.). But all these institutions promote heterosexuality as the norm.

So, two critiques surfaced: compulsory heterosexuality and queer politics. Both seeks to debunk the primacy of hetersexuality. According to Rich, heterosexual preference is not a real choice because women were socialized to that. While according to Blasius, sexuality is more fluid. One can choose from a continuum of sexual choices. From this redefinition of sexualities, come the birthing of various lesbian groups, with the support of the women's movements. It started out as 'cliques' or clandestine groups. Then, in 1993, the lesbians declared a statement in the Mendiola March condemning discrimination against lesbians. Since then, lesbian issues were tackled in various conferences around the country and even in Asia.

At this point, the Left forces also recognized the lesbian and gay issues; thus, two ND groups were created: LesBond (lesbians fro national democracy) and Pro-GAY. In the second phase of the LGBT struggles, it become closer now to the LGBT groups. LAGABLAB, Lunduyan and LADLAD were born. The last one now attempts to participate in the electoral politics. But that was not an easy struggle. In 2007, the group was rejected due to lack of constituency. So, they organized all over the country. Now, they were rejected still, due to 'immoral doctrines". This
becomes part now of the re-framing process especially when CHR director De Lima branded the COMELEC action as 'patently discriminatory'. LADLAD won this time because the Supreme Court enabled them to run for this May 2010 elections as one of the party list group.

Emerging issues and concerns are a lot: conservatism, fundamentalism, etc. But the LGBT groups can still count on various rights as specified in various UN documents(CRC, CEDAW, UDHR, etc). Most of all, the LGBT movement can count on the dynamism of its own. Padayon!

Proposed Electoral System for the Philippines

This topic was very new to me but I found it exciting and inspiring for several reasons. First, it was here that I learned various electoral systems such as the SMP, AV, TRS, PR and MES. Whew! those were lots of acronyms but to tell you the truth, it was only in this class that I met the hardest question ever posed: which electoral system would be best for your country. I started my report citing the positive points about Philippine elections: high voter turn out (70-80%), increasing women elected in national offices (10-12%) and having experienced two women presidents. From there, I said I was alarmed when I read about an editorial saying, GMA will be seizing the speakership of the Lower House by massing 159 votes to her favor. So, given those reasons, I would like to propose two goals: a strong government and viable party list system.

The presidential elections would be conducted using AV (alternative or preferential voting). Here, we will use an ordinal ballot structure where voters rank order their candidates. As to counting, it involves two round: first round would be counting votes for first preference. Those with the least votes will be rejected and their votes will transfer to the second preference candidates. The process continues until the winner got an absolute majority vote.

For the Lower house, I proposed for a 70:30 ratio where the former is the constituency candidates using SMP or single member plurality and the latter use PR closed list for the party votes. I was thinking it would be very hard for the "president" to mass up a 70% votes. The closed list would be zipped, women nominees would amount to 50% of the party nominations. I also would like a 30% quota legislated for women elected in the House. I am retaining the bicameral structure, the senators would be voted using SMP. In essence, I am just refining the present mixed electoral system of the Philippines.

Democratic Activism

The event on "Online Memory Bank" project by the AFT and PSLINK proved to be very inspiring especially for a former teacher like me. It started with a short film on student activism in Iran, South Africa, Burma and China. I was awakened by the convictions of the young speakers on why they dedicated themselves into student activism. The next speaker talked "democratic classrooms". I believed I was applying those principles when I was a teacher way back in the late 90's. But what inspired me most was the sharing of a student leader who is now holding a key post in a political party. He said he was inspired by a poem written by another fellow student and his mentor for 30 years was his grade school teacher who was present in this gathering. What a very inspiring relationship between teacher and student!

Another inspiring moment in this activity was when an indigenous leader talked about how IPs view nature as very nurturing similar to what our modern day hospitals, markets among other services which cater to the needs of the people. He said his activism emerged from that love of nature which bless them with all the bounties of life. And he was wondering how come leaders believe that they have the right to appropriate those blessings for themselves.

The wisdom imparted by another speaker affirmed my convictions about education. That genuine education is life-giving. The world is our classroom and all experiences emanating from life should be discussed from different points of view so that learning and insights can be maximized to serve as guideposts for a better world. He view life and learning as "tensions between honesty and hope" and that democratization can be a spectrum of resistance, of participation and democratic ways of doing things. The project on "Online Memory Bank" aim to capture all those experiences and insights in a democracy by using internet technology. What a bounty!

Feminist Counseling & CSA

I was a resource person for CSA regarding setting up a women and children crisis center somewhere in Pampanga. The venue was wonderful! A three storey Japanese inspired building, with 15 minimalist bedrooms; nude women paintings by no less than Araceli Dans were hanged on the wall. The training hall was accented by billboard of old films such as "Gone with the Wind", "Bus Stop", among others. Oh, I really loved that place! In the morning, we had our shibashi exercises and in the evening, some STRT moves. All this comfortable ambience contributed to a very lighthearted discussion of a very sensitive and heavy topics like CSA and VAW.

The crisis center is on its initial phase of setting up; thus, we were requested to share our experiences on the said topics. This center will be funded by the city government and there were already two full staff, a working Board and a battery of volunteers from the police, health and other agencies. At the end of the training, they were able to come up with a "score card" on how to measure the effectiveness and implementation of this intervention.

The whole three-day session was truly a soulful discussion. With my topic, I started the session with a short documentary film titled, "Daughter". Afterwhich I asked them how did they feel. A mother cried a lot especially with the scene when the younger daughter was also being abused by the father. Another mother was almost in tears because she could not understand how a mother cannot believe about the abuse when the eldest daughter disclosed about it. A very inspiring discussion ensued afterwards.

Also, a case of child physical abuse was presented. The social worker and the police woman was in a dilemma whether to withdraw the case or not. The child's perpetrator was also her mother. The latter showed no remorse on what she did to her child. I personally opined that the damage and consequences inflicted by the mother to her child must be meted out with commensurate punishment. Perhaps, a better rehabilitation program for perpetrators should also be installed.

A child sexual abuse case was also shared by a medical doctor. She was also wondering how come a mother can possibly side with the perpetrator. The mother even let another daughter be the one examined for a medico-legal examination. It resulted in a double case of sexual abuse when the younger daughter was also found positive of genital trauma. Now, the mother was in shambles. So, I discussed how come mothers could not readily support their daughters and the crucial alliance with the mothers (to believe in their daughters) will proved to be the first step with the daughters' healing.

Furthermore, a topic on the "history of women's oppression" and "gender and socialization" which was given earlier by an advocate against VAWC also proved to be crucial in the acceptance of why a feminist approach to counseling must be taken. This, I believed, demonstrated that counselors who desire to effectively address problem such as VAWC must also be willing to embrace feminist counseling. Because only FC can make a counselor understand the depth and breadth of why VAWC happens and will in the end give her all the patience she needs in journeying with the women and children towards a more humane and gender-equal society for all...

Injustice to the LGBT by the COMELEC's 'Three Kings of Lies'

It is only November and yet the 'three kings of lies' from the COMELEC (read as Commissioners Nicodemo Ferrer, Lucenito Tagle and Elias Yusoph) are saying that LADLAD is "immoral" and "a threat to the future of Filipino youths" (with quoted Bible (Romans 1:26) and Koran (Surah 29) verses); thus, they should not be accredited as a political party.

The quoted religious verses in their decision to bar LADLAD from party list system has provided an excuse to deprive LGBT people of their rights. Their interpretation only reinforce the already existing homophobic beliefs that LGBT people are 'sinful' and 'sick'. These same homophobic beliefs continue to deny us access to our most basic needs such as health services, employment, access to education, housing, among others. Thus, the negative impact of that COMELEC decision will surely touch every aspect of our lives. Those homophobic beliefs wrongly backed in religious verses and penned down by the 'three kings of lies' only expose the true reasons why up to now LADLAD is being denied of the right to political representation.

Those 'three kings of lies' surely had done a grave injustice to the LGBT peoples and communities. They are using their authority to bar a marginalize group from participating in a democratic space. Where is now the government commitment to "equality for all" and respect for all people "regardless of sex" as stated in Art 2 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights:
"Everyone is entitled to all the rights set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as...sex"?

How come those 'three kings of lies' used religious texts to cover up for their hatred of the LGBTs? The truth is they are hiding behind their cloak of authority and religious verses to spread homophobia which had long been damaging to society and to the LGBT communities. The "three kings of lies" should have optedto interpret the holy teachings to promote the idea of non-discrimination. But what they penned down was their macho and homophobic interpretation and they chose to discriminate LGBT people. Hence, they are guilty of committing grave injustice towards LGBT people.

They used the quoted verses in the Bible and Koran to justify injustice to LGBT. LGBTs are also humans and humans were created by the same God. Furthermore, those verses quoted by the 'three kings of lies' contradict our own belief that all are equal in the eyes of God. And how come they overlook a bible verse from the same Old Testament which pertains to the equality of all sexes, such as Galatians 3:28 that: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male or female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

Moreover, though we understand that at this crucial time, when 2010 elections is just around the corner, some politicians maybe reluctant to step in the issue. Some people, including some religious groups and even some LGBTs maybe reluctant to challenge religion because it is a powerful area to challenge.

But the UP Diliman Gender Office (UPDGO) is committed to challenging injustice in whatever form we see it. We are a unit responsible for ensuring gender equality among genders and promotion of human rights. If we believe that "women's rights are human rights"; it goes the same with LGBT rights.

The UP DGO found it unacceptable to discriminate LADLAD or not to accredit it as a party list just because of quoted Bible and Koran verses which were quoted out of context. In this regard, we are also calling on all progressive religious groups to challenge and and possibly change the harmful effects of those homophobic beliefs quoted in religious verses. Progressive religious groups must also challenge the 'three kings of lies' wrong use of the sacred texts. We hope that they will also be there to intervene and promote the idea that "everybody is equal in the eyes of God" and "all human beings are equal in dignity and rights."

Somehow, those same homophobic beliefs may proved to be self-defeating to any nation that discriminate 10% of its population. LGBT people are productive members of society. We are workers, farmers, teachers, guidance counselors, writers, activists, athletes, among others. Indeed, we are shapers of the future of this nation. A country which denies 10% of its population will not also grow to its fullest potentials. The least of our hope is for the government to respect our rights...

***

'Elderly wisdom'

This was the second time I witnessed a familiar scene. One of the participants asked if he could lecture on a topic because the session was becoming 'boring' and 'futile'. So, the elderly speaker let him lecture. This already seasoned writer talked about the basic elements of scriptwriting, from short story to teleplay, stageplay and screenplay. I appreciated that very much because I'm just a beginner in this field. But one of the organizers lamented this uncalled for intervention. According to her, the elderly speaker already prepared an activity for the day's workshop. But tracing back the whole session from morning till the afternoon, the organizers did not give any hint as to what activity will occur for the day. It was also not clear from the elderly speaker if he is still interested to conduct an activity. All he was saying was that we could talk with him in his house to critique or polish our stories. So, that says it all. No activity or workshop will occur.

The first time I witnessed this scene was when I attended a counseling workshop. As I noted in my earlier post, the speaker also hinted that she did not prepare anything for the afternoon workshop and in the morning workshop we were inundated with 'pre-school' schools. I would like to see this as failure of the organizers to provide some alternative activities if the speaker failed to deliver. Of course, the experiences of the speakers may be tremendously rich and important but if these wisdom remain with them and cannot be conveyed in a systematic and digestible fashion, who would benefit?

Perhaps, a mentoring program would best fit elderly speakers/teachers. They need not go out of their homes and expend considerable energies in sharing their wisdom. Students must be the ones to go and visit them in their most convenient time and place, one at a time. If not, training or sharing of learnings would only lead to similar cases of frustrations and dissappoinments. Hope I will not encounter the same scenes again...

"Youth is Wealth"

This was according to Pablo S. Gomez. Last saturday, i attended a workshop on comics scriptwriting. We were given each a sample scriptwriting in comics. I got hold of a series on "Mga anghel na walang langit" (angels with no heaven) and it was more than 200 pages. Whew! The session started with the life story of the writer himself. He is now 80 years old but he does not look his age, as if he is just turning 60. He already produced about 80 novels and hundreds of short stories. For him, a writer can be madel; thus, this training. Though very quite uninspiring, he said that he writes whenever he needs money. Now, his script commands a whopping P400k per script. He was once a millionaire. That was during the times when FPJ bought his script at P35k and all of those scripts were instant hit when made into movies. But for one to become a prolific comics writer, s/he be a "tsismoso/a"(gossiper); for every word counts in a comics script. One has the ear/s and the eye/s to absorb everything around him/her. As to writing titles of script, it depends on the given context. At present, titles tend to be one-liner. But for him, titles should be so interesting that readers would want to read the story/script. Every word should be interesting so that readers will turn from one page to the next. Now, he lamented the addiction of youths and children in the internet. Thus, the decline of comics reading caused his publications to collapse and now he is left with nothing. He is building from scratch again (but with the help of Susan R.). All of us enjoyed his lecture. I was personally expecting a frail and slow walking man but on the contrary, he was full of life and humor! So, I am very eager to attend the next saturday session on comics scriptwriting. Till then...

Concerns about TGs and SH

Our unit conducted a gender orientation at CMC. I lectured on "sexuality and sexual identities". The room was replete with laughter especially from the men's group. Later on, I learned that most of the women audience were single and they smirked off when I uttered the Tagalog equivalent of our genitalia. But after the lecture, questions revolved around the transgendered people in the campus. The audience has this fear that the image of their campus is that of 'haven for LGBT' and sexual harassment cases.

One of the questions was the staff knew of TGs who frequent the ladies room, will they allow them? I told them to conduct a dialogue with a gay and TG group because as far as I know, the groups demand a separate comfort room for TGs and gays. But I am personally worried because we encountered a case of out gay who attended one of our trainings and yet after two months, he was convicted of child sexual abuse.

Another question was a certain TG who does not want to be addressed as "mister". I told them the change from "mister" to "miss" as a referent would require a legal process. So, it is better to drop off all the referents. A related question was how to approach such demand from TGs. I answered, just simply ask them how they want to be addressed.

It was very interesting that when a lecture on sexual harassment ensued, a letter was handed to me asking " if it is SH case when a certain male co-worker uttered directly to her 'I dreamt about you last night' while simultaneously wearing a malicious smile". I consulted our speaker on SH, she said the "smile" factor has bearing on SH and I encouraged the letterwriter to go to the office and elaborate more about the other factors and context of the SH she cited in her letter.

Shortchanged

I was so eager to attend a workshop on "family counseling" because of the family problems concerning my counselees. For instance, what to do with a family with bipolar members, or how to engage in mother-daughter dialogue to patch up "generational gaps" in the family, or to reduce instances of violence in the homes (emotional abuse), or how an "alternative" (lesbian couples with children) family be counseled in cases of sexual abuse of their children by a "religious" person. Those were just several problems I encountered that challenged me to know more about family counseling.

But to my dismay, the workshop began and ended with 'pre-school' songs. I do not mean to disparage the competence of the speaker but most of us were working with elementary, high school and college students and as I noted above we encountered very difficult problems concerning families at present. One of the most articulated was the 'cyberspace addiction'. The session could have been salvaged from deterioration but nobody from the organizers intervened. (Perhaps, neither one of us had the courage to voice out because the speaker was one of the board members.)

Though I salvaged a little from her input like that of the different births a person need to undergo (physical, psychological, mental, spiritual). Though I hated it when the speaker recounted that one of her counselees 'killed' (induced abortion) her fetus. Such a conservative stance! She also gave us a hand-out about different types of "dysfunctional" families (e.g. detached, disengaged) but she never elaborated on the dynamics of those families.

I heard from one of my co-participants that perhaps the speaker, being old, was rattled by the barrage of questions from the participants so she "forgot" all about her lecture; though, that maybe one of the reasons. I surmised that the speaker is in her 'religious' mode that she only wants us to feel "love, smile, heaven and God" that she forgot that there are realities that must be addressed head on before one can actually feel love, smile, heaven and God. I myself hope that someday I will age gracefully, still grounded as well as feeling peaceful and heavenly.

Brgy. Bagong Silangan

Another site our group visited to do CISD was Brgy. Bagong Silangan. The plan was to conduct puppetry, action songs and games, reading aloud, drawing activity, among others. But when we got there, there were about 500 children of all ages (we were expecting only a hundred, ages 9-12). So, we changed plan. The session started with a prayer led by a nun. She introduced two action songs. It was folllowed by reading aloud about a story of an ant which saved a lot for rainy days against a lazy grasshopper which had nothing to lean on in times of crisis. The latter survived because of the ant's help. Children went up of the stage because they cannot see the images of the ant and grasshopper. So, instead of having another reading aloud, we engaged the children in action songs.

I was so excited that I did not even noticed that my actions was that of another song (hehehe). Though I saw children even at the farthest end of the circle dancing and circling around as they moved to the beat of "Bugsay, Bugsay" (Row, Row) and "Nagagalak na Makilala" (Nice to Know You). While we were singing, ten children were gathered at the back to practice puppetry. So, when they were called upon onstage, the children's crowd went chaotic. As a whole, it was a success. The story was about a boy who lost his brother in the flood.

Gift of Holiness

We (the staff) had a gender orientation among more than a hundred history students of a certain professor. I was attracted to his description of what we are doing. The professor said that "GST is a holy activity". He elaborated that he had imbibed lots of knowledge and practices that served only to 'oppress' women. So, now he is in the practice of washing his brain from all of those influences. Indeed, that was a very apt description of the activity. I was also illumined because there were lots of questions regarding homosexuality and religion. My lecture started with "trivia" questions as to who were the homosexuals in the Old and New Testament and when did same-sex marriage began. By asking trivia, I intended to tickle the imagination of my listeners of 'personas' in the Bible who was labelled as homosexuals. Questions the students asked after were: "when will same-sex marriage become a normalcy", "if lecturing on the 'normalcy' of third-gendered persons will stifle the debate on the issue", or "differentiate between gender and sexuality", among others.

Initially, I answered the difference between gender and sexuality. I said that the latter is a bigger concept and the former approximates our Tagalog concept of pagkatao. About same-sex marriage becoming a 'normalcy'; I noted it began in 14th century, but till now we have no law legalizing such practice. And what is "normal" actually depends on our notion of 'normal'. Though this term has been appropriated by different disciplines/authorities such as psychologists, psychiatrists.

After the lecture, I had to search for answers about the different world religions' stance on homosexuality. I found out that Pope Benedict XVI regarded it as "intrinsic moral evil". Buddhist monks regard all sex as prohibited; this was balanced by the ruling warrior's class of acceptance of sex. Hinduism is not supportive of H. It was regarded as source of sterility. Though we know that the Hindu's Kamasutra depict of sexual pleasures. Taoism and Confucianism are also neutral about sex. It even supports female sexual freedom because it believes that yin energies are limitless. Whew...what a gift!

Fulfilling Experience

I volunteered as counselor at the Ultra Evacuation Center last week. I was with twenty four fieldwork students of the College. We were assigned to look after the 549 children ages 5-12. Unfortunately, there was no electricity. We were supposed to show a short documentary film about typhoon/ disaster. So, the students ended up as impromptu performers/actors depicting a story of a family whose main income is logging. A news breakthrough about an impending typhoon. The family was caught unprepared and they were seen climbing up their house and shouting for help. At this point, the children were shouting at the top of their voices as if they were really experiencing the same event at that moment. I thought role play is really a powerful tool in "debriefing" the children. The play ended up with the family at the evacuation center receiving relief goods and psychosocial help. I was at one corner attending to a sleepy five year old boy among other children sitting on the bench. The next day, the site received donations of toys from UNICEF. So we put the children in different tents with one box each of toys. They were so happy playing, as if there was no trace of trauma whatever. Boys in our camp were seen playing with plastic cookwares, dolls, etc. Children tend to group themselves based on the toys of interest. After a two hour play, everything seemed in chaos but deep in my heart I knew it was a very fulfilling experience because I was enervated by the enthusiasm and vitality of the children.

4-hour SRHR

While typhoon Pepeng was hitting Luzon, we were pre-testing our module on SRHR among returned migrant women. It was a condensed form of a three-day training. We started with introducing ourselves with body gesture that depicts our 'best' attribute. Most of the women were known to be cheerful. Next exercise was touching the most liked and least liked body part/s. The most liked part/s were varied (eyes, hands, feet, among others) because of the functions it provide. But the least liked was commonly the 'bilbil' or 'puson' or the belly. Most of the women see it as 'disgusting' because they wanted to become 'sexy'. From there, the discussions led to the concept and standards of beauty and what makes a woman fit and beautiful. Two women were past their menopausal stage, the rest were in their forties. They learned to accept themselves or their bodies for what it is because they have given birth to several children. The most exciting part of the session was the "Choose Your Spot". Two statements were discussed: it is the woman's obligation to have sex with her husband and motherhood is tantamount to being a 'ganap na babae' or 'womanhood'.

The elderly women were certain that they did not initiate sex with their husbands while the women in their forties uses subtle 'come-ons' to intiate sex with their husbands. Another revelation was the common issue of 'sexual dalliances' among OFWs abroad. They become sexually 'liberated' to ease loneliness while working abroad. But nobody admitted they have done it personally. They cited numerous experiences: one was a co-worker who sideline as 'prostituted' woman because her family always asked for money; another was a 'promdi' co-worker who had a string of boyfriends but she was known in their place as 'demure', among others. Other issues cited were dynamics between in-laws and the spouse left behind, raising children, use of money remitted and infidelity. We ended the session with 'wishes' of women for themselves given that they have sacrificed some things for their families. Most of them wanted to finish their studies and live happily with their families. Suggestions to improve the training was to include statements like sexual activities when one is married, and how to cope with loneliness while working abroad.

Shedding Light on Anonymity

I was enlightened about this concept of 'anonymity' yesterday where I shared a videoclip titled 'box this'. This was my take off point to discuss power/s derived from anonymity. I explained that assuming a posture of anonymity, one can possibly resist stereotypes by not donning those stereotypes. Anonymity can also serve as a space for exploring one's individuality, for instance when a male would not identify as gay in a bathhouse simply because that is not his gender/sexual identity; he just wanted to explore the sexual pleasures by that body. Also, while in that space or state, one can engage in visioning one's 'ideal society'. I was not able to emphasize that one assumes anonymity in those cases, not out of fear, but for the sake of positive goals such as pleasure aand visioning an ideal society.

During the open forum, I appreciated it very much when a professor commented that 'balancing identity and anonymity" might be an ideal state. He elaborated that the government is on a 'default identity' because it always account for each and every citizen's identity; in so doing or as a consequence, it curtails 'anonymity'. Another thing I realized was about 'anonymity' of youths when they are online. A psychology professor said that these youths might be forming their 'future' selves in this state of anonymity online. When I asked about 'why a suicide bomber traded his/her identity for anonymity to the point of annihilating oneself, a philosophy professor opined that this is some sort of 'perversion'. I don't know what he means by that but I believed he alluded to something like 'fanaticism'. I intend to read about this matter because I want to debunk that belief of "being anonymous is not being authentic"...

Non-labeling

I was reflecting on the past GSTs we had with student organizations. Part of this is an orientation on sexuality. Everytime I asked them to raise their hands if they are in a relationship or if they already disclose their sexual identities, i only saw two to four hands raised. I was searching for possible answers...Then, I heard somebody blurted out that "at present, we young people do not label our relationships..." Perhaps, that was one of the answers. So, I asked my older friends. They said the '70s generation (flower power) was similarly like that. They also do not want to label their identities and relationships.

What possibly do they derive in doing so? I, for one, never divulged about my identity and relationships so I have this inkling we are on the same boat. First, divulging or being visible can put one in a stereotypical role or identity. The disadvantage of which is that stereotypes are often molded by media. So, it is not one's creation. Another disadvantage is one can be stigmatized or be put down by anybody who is not respectful of human rights. "To be or not to be", as Shakespeare puts it. For me, the bottomline is individuality. One can truly explore oneself and be everything in every moment without being dictated upon. I believe this is more in accordance with the Tao principle, "Tao is a thing taht is both invisible and intangible...subtle and obscure, there is essence in it (Tao Te Ching, chap 21)" or "when you organize, you must of necessity use names and order; but given that, you must know where to leave off naming and
structuring (chap 32)."

I remembered very well when I called a "gay-looking" student, "Miss", he was angry at with and corrected my signifier. It dawned on me that markers such as clothes and looks could be deceiving because they are markers from the outside of someone who was looking in. Beings are not identifiable fully from what they wear, what they do, what they feel. They must be understood from the knowledge of the dynamics of all of those and from the person/s admittance of her/his wholeness. Dimensions of a human being cannot be well defined and may show off inconsistently depending on the context in which they are examined. Thus, unless they admitted to who they are, we do not have the right to 'out' or 'name' them.

Nothingness

I was listening to the way two deans were discussing on how to present the state of their discipline. They will collect from the past ten years of academic works from journals, dissertations, books, among others from four or five leading organizations or institutions on the field. One of them said, "there must be some sort of tradition that emerged such as Marxist, structuralist, etc." The other contended that the emerging trend now was more of interdisciplinary: a discipline informing other disciplines. Their discussions diverged a little bit to the local state of the discipline. One of them was very proud to announce that in his area the approach nowadays was to focus on an object and from that object map out the different aspects of life: culture, technology, livelihood, etc. He identified that "sago" (similar to tapioka) can feed the whole area and yet it was not tapped or accepted by the community. The other remarked that this is the point where culture work can come in. I replied "that was the same approach we did with our day care curriculum". From an object like a frog, the whole curriculum was designed: frog as an animal for biology; frog meat for food or nutrition, frog sound for music, etc. I hesitated to add that perhaps, there might be some sort of 'taste saturation' among the locals when they have been eating that stuff since the time they were born and grew up in the place.

Another debate was over what approach or perspective to take in making a better discipline: is it 'objectifying the object' or 'subjectifying the subject'. I was lost at this point because I was thinking of how a suicide bomber, having lived as both an object and subject of her/his culture, can come to that point in his/her life when he/she will 'sacrifice' his own life or be reduced to a point of nothingness or annihilation of the self. How can they eliminate the very subject/object which they have created throughout her/his one's life...That for me was a very interesting subject. But I did not bring it up because I knew the two deans were at the plane of 'materialism' and I'm lingering at the spiritual realm of life...

Revisiting Drama Workshop

We were ten participants, just enough for a small group therapy session. It was a very interesting group because it was multi-generational (from 17 to 63 years old; with 40s, 30s and 50s age representative) , across social classes (urban poor and middle class; educated and uneducated) and representing different cases of VAW (battering, sexual harassment). Some were also survivors-counselors. It started with introduction of oneself by citing one's most significant attribute. Then, we were grouped in dyads. A would introduce B and vice-versa. Another session which was very powerful was the sensory release exercises. They sat like "doll rags" and experienced relaxing exercises. Afterwhich, they were instructed to create their own mug. One must feel, smell and taste what's in their mug (the objective of which is to be able to become confident of creating one's life). In the afternoon, we drew our "24-hour" routine, based on our own interpretation. It was funny because one of the participants mentioned that her own mother verbally abused her at certain time of a day, almost everyday. The youngest, surprisingly, was the earliest worm among others. She wakes up at 4am so that she can reach her work at 7am. Then, we again plot our "lakbay-buhay" (life journey) by using Rudolf Steiner's seven year cycle. My own personal plot revealed that I did not remember my earliest memories of abuse because the 7-14 experience were littered with happy moments. But the teen age years and adulthood became sad because of the remembrance of abuse. Now, I'm on my way to spiritual quest...Life, I believe is marred with those "grief" to enable us to learn certain needed virtues...

Lastly, I personally learned that women underwent different challenges in life and came out as if unscathed but resolved to be more courageous and determined. I admired all of the participants because each of them came out with courageous stories of how they were able to overcome challenges in life. One was an uneducated woman who married young and now longs for a life-long learning experience and she found it in a women's group. Another was a former prostituted woman and now she vowed never to do that again. She turned to prostitution in the hope for easy money. Now, she learned that life is more precious when one is with people she loves, particularly her own children. Another one has reached a top position in the finance world (vp), and she realized that it was not that fulfilling! What fulfills her now is her relationship with God. Another one said that she also had had experiences of intellectual successes abroad but her own family tragedies forced her to reflect and change direction towards spiritual path. A younger woman dsclosed for the first time that she was sexually harassed by her own brother. Another maturing woman related her unrelentless quest for financial support from her husband. She persistently monitored the paper trail of her request and waited for the Secretary of Dep Ed so he can sign it personally. What a trailblazing act! The youngest participant also revealed the tragedy of her childhood years when she was kidnapped by her own father and witnessed him battering her own mother. Now, she initially blurted out that she does not want to get married.
I, for one, realized that being complete is being at peace with oneself...All of us were hoping this kind of session will continue, if not with the same group, maybe for different sets of women.