Nothingness

I was listening to the way two deans were discussing on how to present the state of their discipline. They will collect from the past ten years of academic works from journals, dissertations, books, among others from four or five leading organizations or institutions on the field. One of them said, "there must be some sort of tradition that emerged such as Marxist, structuralist, etc." The other contended that the emerging trend now was more of interdisciplinary: a discipline informing other disciplines. Their discussions diverged a little bit to the local state of the discipline. One of them was very proud to announce that in his area the approach nowadays was to focus on an object and from that object map out the different aspects of life: culture, technology, livelihood, etc. He identified that "sago" (similar to tapioka) can feed the whole area and yet it was not tapped or accepted by the community. The other remarked that this is the point where culture work can come in. I replied "that was the same approach we did with our day care curriculum". From an object like a frog, the whole curriculum was designed: frog as an animal for biology; frog meat for food or nutrition, frog sound for music, etc. I hesitated to add that perhaps, there might be some sort of 'taste saturation' among the locals when they have been eating that stuff since the time they were born and grew up in the place.

Another debate was over what approach or perspective to take in making a better discipline: is it 'objectifying the object' or 'subjectifying the subject'. I was lost at this point because I was thinking of how a suicide bomber, having lived as both an object and subject of her/his culture, can come to that point in his/her life when he/she will 'sacrifice' his own life or be reduced to a point of nothingness or annihilation of the self. How can they eliminate the very subject/object which they have created throughout her/his one's life...That for me was a very interesting subject. But I did not bring it up because I knew the two deans were at the plane of 'materialism' and I'm lingering at the spiritual realm of life...

Revisiting Drama Workshop

We were ten participants, just enough for a small group therapy session. It was a very interesting group because it was multi-generational (from 17 to 63 years old; with 40s, 30s and 50s age representative) , across social classes (urban poor and middle class; educated and uneducated) and representing different cases of VAW (battering, sexual harassment). Some were also survivors-counselors. It started with introduction of oneself by citing one's most significant attribute. Then, we were grouped in dyads. A would introduce B and vice-versa. Another session which was very powerful was the sensory release exercises. They sat like "doll rags" and experienced relaxing exercises. Afterwhich, they were instructed to create their own mug. One must feel, smell and taste what's in their mug (the objective of which is to be able to become confident of creating one's life). In the afternoon, we drew our "24-hour" routine, based on our own interpretation. It was funny because one of the participants mentioned that her own mother verbally abused her at certain time of a day, almost everyday. The youngest, surprisingly, was the earliest worm among others. She wakes up at 4am so that she can reach her work at 7am. Then, we again plot our "lakbay-buhay" (life journey) by using Rudolf Steiner's seven year cycle. My own personal plot revealed that I did not remember my earliest memories of abuse because the 7-14 experience were littered with happy moments. But the teen age years and adulthood became sad because of the remembrance of abuse. Now, I'm on my way to spiritual quest...Life, I believe is marred with those "grief" to enable us to learn certain needed virtues...

Lastly, I personally learned that women underwent different challenges in life and came out as if unscathed but resolved to be more courageous and determined. I admired all of the participants because each of them came out with courageous stories of how they were able to overcome challenges in life. One was an uneducated woman who married young and now longs for a life-long learning experience and she found it in a women's group. Another was a former prostituted woman and now she vowed never to do that again. She turned to prostitution in the hope for easy money. Now, she learned that life is more precious when one is with people she loves, particularly her own children. Another one has reached a top position in the finance world (vp), and she realized that it was not that fulfilling! What fulfills her now is her relationship with God. Another one said that she also had had experiences of intellectual successes abroad but her own family tragedies forced her to reflect and change direction towards spiritual path. A younger woman dsclosed for the first time that she was sexually harassed by her own brother. Another maturing woman related her unrelentless quest for financial support from her husband. She persistently monitored the paper trail of her request and waited for the Secretary of Dep Ed so he can sign it personally. What a trailblazing act! The youngest participant also revealed the tragedy of her childhood years when she was kidnapped by her own father and witnessed him battering her own mother. Now, she initially blurted out that she does not want to get married.
I, for one, realized that being complete is being at peace with oneself...All of us were hoping this kind of session will continue, if not with the same group, maybe for different sets of women.

Touched by Cory

When Fr. Arevalo was saying his eulogy for Cory, I was touched by certain lines he uttered. First, he was narrating about how Cory described an abyss, she likened it to an open and eternal arms of the Lord. Second, he said that Cory did a "roses and crosses" painting and wrote a haiku at the back of it. Cory thought that her "sufferings" ended when Ninoy was incarcerated for seven years and seven months. But till she contracted a colon cancer, she realized that there is no such thing as "quota of sufferings". The last words that touched me was when he mentioned that Cory was a "self-gift". It means Cory was a blessing for the Filipino people. When I heard Cory uttered in her own words, "Ikinararangal kong maging Filipino", I truly felt she is a blessing for the Filipinos. I am touched to the bones, soul and spirit because I never heard such sincerity from a leader. She truly deserved her title of being a great Filipino. Hope our people will also lived up to her desire of what a great Filipino each of us can become. With her courage, selflessness and faith she has shown to all of us, I knew deep in her heart she can always utter, "you are what I am" and if we desire so, we can all become like her for the glory of ourselves, our people and our nation...

Updates and Questions on Human Trafficking

I was privileged to attend a Network on this kind of advocacy. I learned a lot about new forms of human trafficking and felt the vibrancy of child advocacy work again. Earlier, I only knew about sexual trafficking, but now they were talking about organ trading, surrogacy and even stem cell extraction! It was shocking at first to hear people from urban poor communities selling their kidneys at p70,00 per piece. Worse, women are selling their wombs in installment payment totalling P700,000plus. There was no mention of the amount of what it costs for stem cell extraction; perhaps, it was even higher...So, how can this be arrested? There was a sharing among police attaches from European nations. They were urging the communities to report to them evidences and encouraging them to support witnesses and victims of trafficking to pursue their case/s. But the problem is the same communities are in need of the 'lure of money' in exchange for their very organs. How can we encourage them to defy their own needs and hand themselves to the police as the very persons who condone such practice? I don't know...Then, the Secretary of a government agency blame it on 'dysfunctionality' of the families because they were the ones who encourage their own members to look for money and for jobs, accepting those jobs even when though there is high possibility that they will be exploited. Perhaps, the Secretary should give the people a comprehensive picture of the problem and not zeroing in the family as the 'root' of the problem...The very presence of the Network prove that it is a multi-factorial problem and need a more comprehensive viewing and not mere fundamentalizing of the phenomenon. (I believe she just wanted the people to veer away from blaming the government because the bigger factor is in fact poverty.)

Emotions and the Case of 'K'

Human nature really amazed me like yesterday...I had a counselee (K) whose very strong emotion (anger) affected me slightly. I was looking intently at the way she gritted her teeth, threw invectives to every person she knew was 'conniving' to push her 'down'. That was her appraisal of her situation (in psychological parlance, 'paranoia'). But I refused to label her because that was feminist counseling is all about: contextualizing the situation of women and perhaps addressing this through more liberating actions. Her anger is consuming her: she was angry with her family because she was thrown out of the house and in incarcerated because she stabbed their househelp with scissors. She admitted that incident but with no remorse. So, she fend for herself through tutoring and sometimes through theft. Later, through my persistent intervention, the mother gave in and helped K with the payment of rent, washing of clothes and giving of food. But for a week ssince yesterday, the mother refused to wash K's clothes and give food because she refused to be coerced by her into submission (according to the mother, K was very ungrateful and violent towards her).

The worst incident also happened two days before yesterday. K 'manhandled' a young lawyer. According to the latter, when he was aboout to broach to another compadre the case of K, the latter grabbed him by the upper arm and squeezed it to the point it hurt. So, he was sugesting to me that K should be 'committed' to a mental institution because she cannot be good at human relations and posed danger to anybody. He was willing to do the letter of endorsement and talk with the mother of K.

This afternoon I will confer with K's mother and I also would like to inform her that K was holding a big chunk of wood that she hit every now and then to the point that all of my co-workers were very worried what was happening in the counseling room. I was able to lessen K's anger by noting why she had to harm the people who could help her. K ended up pleading to me to talk with the lawyer that the incident was 'merely a gesture of endearment'...

Good and Bad Day

I was shocked when I heard the news that my 'nanay-nanayan' passed away early this morning. When we were in college, she used to cook our meals (me and best friend). She is actually a mother to me. I was in a dilemma whether to attend to her demise or continue with my lecture among students. The door give way to the latter. And I treasured every moment conversing with the students about gender issues in and out of campus. There was a question on whether it is a man's duty to give up her seat for a woman. I told him it depends on the mindset of the woman. There are women who still love gallantry but there are some who opt not to entertain that because it means one is accepting the societal thinking taht 'women are by nature weak'. Another question was about the image of UP as 'dumping ground' of 'badings' (gays). I told him what it is in 'bading' that makes them 'less of a man'. The problem with that is the 'stigma' attached to the term. But when one is a gay that has actualized himself into something that he really wants, we care no less of the 'label'. Another remark was about the 'stereotyping' of women-driven movies and how it fared less in the ticket booths. I answered 'yes', men are more valorized when they have more 'women' (mistresses) compared to women. That is 'double-standard'. Actually, I did not elaborate on the 'softie' movies vs. 'violent' movie stuff which characterize female vs. male stuff. I want them first to feel the issue as individuals.

In the end, I realized that this day is both a good and bad day: good that I stayed on because I learned the different issues boggling students' minds; but, in my heart, I really wanted to cry and embrace the family of my bestfriend because our 'mother's demise. Now, I know what it means to welcome life- al-jalal, al-jamal...

Accrediting Student Orgs Thru GSTs

Our unit is tasked to accredit students' organizations by giving them a three-hour gender sensitivity. We opened the session by a game called "group yourselves according to". So, I let them group themselves based on their age, colleges, religion, regional location and type of family (with two parents or single parent). It was a revelation that most of the students, at that time, come from Luzon area (only two from Mindanao). All of them are Roman Catholics. Only one from the College of Law, some are from Education, Home Economics, Tourism, etc. I asked them what are the "images" (stereotypes) of their college. It was familiar to hear that HE has the 'motherly' image. But with a male student enrolled in HE, I should have asked how he felt. I delved more on the three students with single moms. One of them said, "matiisin ang kababaihan" or women are persevering so they can perform very well as effective moms. From there, I discussed how women have been marginalized citing statistics on violence, work, empowerment.

One question from a fraternity man united the males in the group. He said, "akala ko gender equality ang topic, bakit ang babae lang ang pinakikitang agrabiyado" (I thought this is about gender equality, why is that only women were portrayed as disadvantaged). So, I encouraged him to mention a men's concern which made them at a disadvantaged position. He said women employing domestic househelp (OFWs) only shows women are 'oppressing' other women; not that men oppresses women (to that effect). So I told them that women's disadvantaged position evolved historically. During the olden days, when women live in a communal structure, every child is taken cared of by the whole community, not by individual women. When industrialization sets in, men were displaced from their families and become workers. So, women stayed at home and did housework. Now that women are in demand abroad as DHs, so the men take on the job as 'househusbands'. And I commend these men who chose or perform such role/s. This is the same solution that most wives advocate: for their husbands to share in the housework.

I don't know if I had convinced them of the necessity of advocating for gender equality, but the fact that they freely shared their feelings about their mothers and their views about gender inequality and lastly asking my name, perhaps that would tell a lot about the effectiveness of making them feel what it means to be women in this society...