Dance Till You Heal

We had a half-day dance therapy session with Denjie Bareira last Sunday. I never thought it could affect me deeply. Perhaps, I was not prepared to encounter the issue that I've been avoiding: child sexual abuse. It created that heavy cerebral pain that I know was brought about by the opening or perhaps dismantling of my guard. As far as I can remember, since my father's death in 1997, I never had a good cry. So, this time, the dance pre-activity enabled me to get in touched with my innermost feelings. I was still shy or ashamed to burst out in tears. I rushed to the comfort room and poured my heart out. I knew deep in my soul, the child sexual abuse must be addressed and I myself must participate actively in it. I need that move for my own healing purposes.

The room was not spacious enough to be able to create bigger movements. So, I let myself moved within my arms' radius. I was amazed that one of the participants, we calle her "dancing reverend" moved very ruggedly. I can't do that! (the hiphop dance) Another interesting move was the 8-shaped belly dancing. How I wish I can those moves every now and then. Of course, it's always up to me to give the material time for me to savor the pleasure of dancing (but at present I'd rather do the 'inner' dance)...

Women Positive Sites at UP Diliman

In my twenty years of stay in this university I haven't been aware that there are women-positive sites till I saw this UP DGO brochure. Guess what? we have 17 women-positive sites at UP Diliman campus. Very interesting for me was that statue of a naked woman washing her hair at the UP checkpoint. Little did I know that it means washing away all prejudices and other biased perspectives because one will be entering a democratic and freedom loving university, one may not be able to experience that space if one is having a biased perspective. Another interesting historical site was that wall sculpture at the left side (right before the checkpoint). It depicts of two naked bodies, a man and woman, and the symbols of learning (books etc.) bordering their sides. This means that both men and women are equally capable of higher learning. One can also take a look at the recent scuplture at the Women's Studies Center named "dakila" (wisdom or great teacher). Perhaps, this is a quizzical image of a woman (fully dressed up and with an image of a sun emanating from its head) compared to the nude women sculptures at the entrance of the Faculty Center. Interesting contrasts. But one needs a women-sensitive mind to be able to decipher what makes one a work of art... For more women-positive sites, you can tour around UP and take a notebook and a pen and guess the other 14 sites I failed to mention here.

Training with Adoption Workers

Yesterday was supposed to be a lull day but it was actually a challenging day for me because an international adoption organization requested us to train them on GS. There were seven men and nineteen women. I talked about sexuality, reproductive health and RA 9262. First, I introduced a game that sent us all into thrill of excitement and laughter. I let them group themselves into the kind of relationship they are into at present and answer the question: "Are you happy or not?" "Why or why not". So four groups emerged. Some admitted being single parents, unmarried. The all men group were all married. The biggest number were the married women. The last group were the "searchers" or the singles. The tittilating part was their answer to the next question. The all men group said: "masaya pa naman" (still happy). The married women seemed to be the happiest because of their big belly laughters. But at the end of their report they posed a bit, saying, "hindi naman kasi kayo ang pinipilit" (you (pointing to the men) were not being coerced). The single parents derived their happiness from their children. The searchers pointed to the group of married women and said "gusto naming maging ganyan" (in the future, they wanted to be like them). Wow! that goes the reality of women's lives: violence, hardships, pleasures and all...from there my discussions took me to sexuality, RH and VAWC...how I wish I could this kind of discussions over and over again...perhaps, in the future the "searchers" can have other choices (hehehe)...

Analysing Cases Using CEDAW

We had a three-day workshop at Golden Prince Hotel in Cebu last week. This was the second time we studied CEDAW but it was only now that I realized how difficult it was for me to analyze a case using CEDAW framework. I had to review the different types of state obligations, the core content of the different elements of right (e.g. right to health (availability, quality, etc), what rights were violated and what are the mechanisms available for redress (legal and metalegal). No wonder I got perfect in the quiz because I have to remember all of those things before I can rewrite my initial version of the draft case. But I highly appreciate it that I learned this framework especially when we analyzed the case of a regional hospital which denied access for health service for a prostituted woman. I was also touched when a participant revealed that she had experienced the same (her daughter was denied access that led to the untimely death of her daughter). She narrated it in a very controlled manner but I can sensed how she loved her daughter and the crushing pain that her daughter's life ended that way. That pain was relieved when we had a night of Thai massage at a nearby spa (at P200). I hope next year, the office can possibly apply the same rigor with our VAWc cases.

echo-series of "women's empowerment" thru ICT

we had finished two sessions of the echo series (though there was a twin brothers who joined us). i received yesterday fourteen emails from the participants and how thankful they were for the basic computer literacy training. i was so delighted because i too was not that literate in computer so i had to brush up in my readings re: short history of internet and other statistics to be able to begin my session on the internet. i let them composed their own g-mail addresses and send me a letter. what amazed me most was one of the participants was a 'hearing impaired' (young woman) and she was able to compose her own gmail(tagalog4@gmail.com) though i did not find a letter from her and the twin brother was not also levelled in their learning (one was more adept than the other). the two mothers (battered wives)-participants were also overjoyed and they want us to refer them to any kind of computer job that will help them augment their income. how i wish i can do that (job referral) but it takes a lot of networking and equipping of skills before one can be considered a computer worker. hope we can have another training (advanced) on computer. we were not able to take up e-commerce and e-data management because the entry skills of most participants were basic (though three of the young women were already well-versed in the internet; so we let them assist us with the other trainees). i too learned from this training because i am not yet knowledgeable with the excel program. i'm so thankful with this this amazing computer technology. i hope someday we can also provide these women a computer unit of their own.

Feminist Counseling at Work

In my sharing of FC practice, I began with the issues I encountered in the counseling room, notably 'bipolar disorder', abortion, wife battering and sexual identity issues. These issues precisely define why FC is needed. But more than that, my take are the principles I believed in why I go into FC. First I knew that those frameworks I have learned from college were not empowering women. So, I read about Gilligan (a different voice), Jean Baker Miller (women's strengths) and Chodorow (relational qualities of women). These are the principles that I envisioned would be the core of FC. Aside from these, some instruments were already developed to measure women's empowerment like the FIDS (Feminist Identity Development Scale), the "Stages of Women's Awareness" (Judith Palmer) and the "The Feminine Cycle" (Joan Borysenko). Interestingly, Borysenko noted that unlike boys, girls developed both the right and left brain (for concrete operations and emotional intelligence) at ages 7-14. And the rest of her stages of 'feminine cycle' were empowering compared that made by Erik Erikson. The reactions to my presentation were significant: one participant was hesitant to approach a counseling room if she is not sure that the counselor is an FC, she admitted that she is a bisexual lesbian. Another participant shared her difficulties in counseling lesbians in violent relationship. So, I told her, one should also used the 'power' factor in a relationship and also rescue the 'batterer' in that relationship.

More importantly, I also shared the reasons why I prefer FC. Primarily because of the challenges posed by two significant people: one GC commented: "there is no such thing as FC!" and the keynote speaker below that I mentioned who is also at the topmost position in my profession. Oh I wish we can talk face-to-face and learn from each other why FC is more important for women more than any other framework. Despite all those obstacles, I wish all (probably rare and few) FCs more power and love in their life...

Sexist jokes at the Conference

The last plenary speaker, a male, may not consciously knew it or may deliberately uttered those sexist jokes. But he must be held 'unaccountable' in whatever way to the damage he has done to the may women participants at the Conference. One joke was 'the woman (married) kept on studying that she neglected her husband; eventually the husband found another woman (mistress). Another repeated joke was 'being loveless' makes one a 'matandang dalaga' or a woman becameangry because she was 'loveless' for a long time. Though there are some 'truths' in his jokes, other 'truths' may be more liberating to women. Jokes when unconsciously absorbed become more detrimental than deliberate lectures.

Also, he presented a framework of counseling philosophy but never mentioned that "needs" are also created by one's context. That woman in his example (married woman who kept on studying) was also a product of her historical context that valued realtionship with a man as 'central' to her life. Pretty good if she was able to live without a man or neglect her husband because it contributed to getting a degree. But the speaker ended with a more disgusting comment: 'why is it that the woman realized too late that she wants her husband so badly that she had to get a degree to impress him'. Why can't the speaker realized that the woman acted on her own 'need' and not inspired by 'the husband'. The remark on 'matandang dalaga' was another assumption that a woman cannot choose to become a woman (alone) for the rest of her life. And that getting angry is part of being a human, not related to one's status (marital) in life. The speaker must also question his assimptions before concluding on women's choices.

My philosophy rests primarily on women's empowerment and I believed those sexist jokes is one of the processes that disempower women. It must be curtailed. Unfortunately, we were not given time to react. Though the president of the association interrupted him saying, "dalaga ako".